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How movies would be different if sj members wrote them (Please read first post)

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by dooley_womack1, Apr 5, 2008.

  1. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    End. Of. Thread.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  2. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    That was fucking great.
     
  3. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Re: How movies would be different if sj members wrote them (Please read first po

    [​IMG]

    You're out of order! The RISP is out of order! Bill James is out of order! All numbers are out of order!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  4. bigpern23

    bigpern23 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, thank you. :D
     
  5. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    It accused me of violent anal prison rape...

    And I loved it.
     
  6. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

     
  7. Flying Headbutt

    Flying Headbutt Moderator Staff Member

    [​IMG]

    I'm coming after you, Living it up in 2001!!! I'll see you outside Penn Station!!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  8. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Re: How movies would be different if sj members wrote them (Please read first po

    Outstanding work, Beetus!!!!!

    [​IMG]

    Now, can anyone back your claim where you were on Tuesday?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  9. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Re: How movies would be different if sj members wrote them (Please read first po

    [​IMG]

    I'm not busing Mr. Mangino's table!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  10. Birdscribe

    Birdscribe Active Member

    Effin' brilliant, Dools.

    (If only I weren't full O' fail at posting pix...)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  11. BigSleeper

    BigSleeper Active Member

    Re: How movies would be different if sj members wrote them (Please read first po

    Many of you could do better (and maybe already have) than this, but I thought I give it a go. It probably cuts to close to the bone for many of us, but maybe it'll get a few laughs:

    * * *

    [​IMG]

    So what are you talking about? You're talking about ... bitching about what? Bitching about some interview you shot? Some son of bitch doesn't want to talk? Some editor not buying what you're selling? Some broad you're trying to screw? So forth. Let's talk about something important?

    They all here?

    All but Songbird

    Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important ... Put. That. Coffee. Down! Coffee's for people who buy it for themselves only.

    scoff

    You think I'm fucking with you? I am not fucking with you. I'm here from Tyson Mills. I'm here from the Information Center HQ. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.

    You're name's BigSleeper? You call yourself a sports reporter you son of a bitch?

    "I don't have to listen to this this shit!"

    You certainly don't pal! Because the good news is that you're fired! The bad news is that you've got, all of you've got, one week to regain your jobs starting with tonight, starting with tonight's game. Oh? Have I got your attention now? Good. Because we're adding a little something to this month's Well Done content, which you all know first prize is a free generic Chinese candy bar. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize is the wrapper. Third prize is you're fired. You get the picture? You laughing now?

    You got stories. (CorporateOwner) paid lousy money to get names to report for them. You can't write the 15 stories, design 16 pages, shoot eight hours of Web video and maintain a blog in a 40-hour week, you can't do shit, you are shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it because you are going out!

    The story assignments are weak.

    The story assignments are weak? The fucking story assignments are weak? You're weak. I've been consulting and downsizing in your pathetic business for 15 years ...

    What's your name?

    Fuck you, that's my name! You know why mister? Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight and I drove a $100,000 BMW, that's my name!

    And your name is You're Wanting. You can't play in a man's game, you can't write them, then go home and tell your moist toilette your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: to get you to write/report/design/edit/blog!/record/collate/videotape on the line which says 40 hours a week! You hear me you fucking faggots!

    A, B, C. A, Always. B, Be. C, Cheapening. Always be cheapening. Always ... be .. cheapening.

    A, I, D, A. Attention, Internet, Downsizing, Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Internet. Are you on the internet because it you're not, you're fucked. You post 30 times a day or you hit the bricks. Downsized. Have you provided a reason not to be downsized, for Christ! And action. A, I, D, A. Get out there. You've got the crazy prep parents coming in. You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy doesn't walk into the newsroom unless he's convinced your coverage will get his kid a scholarship. He's sitting out there waiting to give you an exclusive interview with his third-team left guard. Are you gonna write about? Are you man enough to write about?

    Incredible ...

    What's the problem, pal? You lost?

    You're such a hero. You're so rich. How come you're coming down here, waste your time with a bunch of bums?

    You see this watch? You see this watch?

    Yeah.

    That watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. What did you make? You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, write/report/design/edit/blog!/record/collate/videotape in a 40-hour week! You think this is abuse? You think this abuse, you cocksucker! You can't take this, how you think you can handle the abuse you get on a Rivals Network message board?! You don't like it, leave.

    I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, write myself 15 stories, lay out six pages and record three videos! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise. A, I, D, A. Get mad, you sonofabitches, get mad! You wanna know what it takes to be a sports journalist? It takes brass balls to be a sports journalist. Go do likewise, gents. The stories are out there, you pick them up, they're the property of the company but we'll let you think they're yours until you go to Kinko's to try and make copies. If you don't, I have no sympathy for you. You wanna go out to those games tonight and write/shoot video/blog! -- write/shoot video/blog! -- it's ours. If not, you're gonna be shining my shoes. And you know what you'll be saying. Bunch a losers, sitting around a bar, "Yeah, I used to be a sports journalist. It's a tough racket."
     
  12. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    OK. Pern has been called and raised. Your move, Pern.
     
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