How has the Internet changed you?

Because of "The Social Network," a lot of critics and social commentators have been at least touching on one of the film's peripheral points - how much social networking sites like Facebook have changed the way people live. In fact, I would personally trace it all the way back to email. I remember back in the mid-'90s getting that anxious feeling when I knew I could get to a computer to check if I had the sweet, sweet reward of some mundane, banal social hello sitting in my inbox at the campus computer lab.

In light of all these articles, I got to thinking. The other day, I unplugged entirely. It was amazing. I sat down to read a book, for example. At first it was tough. Every couple pages I kept having the urge to stop reading for "just a second" to check my email or the scores on ESPN.com or drop by here or another site. But I didn't let myself. That passed. After a few minutes, my brain just started going with the flow. I engaged with the book. An hour passed. Two hours passed. I read about 50-60 pages. I can't tell you the last time I read that much in that much time. It was uninterrupted bliss.

In the morning, the newspaper came, and I retrieved it from my porch at about 6 a.m. Everything in it was news to me. Scores. Political news. Business news. All of it. It was like getting my old friend back again. Crisp and fresh off the presses and ready to read.

I might try to unplug more often. I'm not a luddite by any means. I know the Internet is here to stay. But it was kind of startling to force myself to realize how tethered I had become to it. Amazing that just four or five years ago, I didn't have high-speed Internet at home, and got along just fine.

 

I'll tell you how the internet has changed me.

The shelf-life of my porn has decreased dramatically.

Used to be, I would buy a video for $19.99 from some adult store and for at least three months, it was the go-to video.

Now a days, I'm not even watching a scene for 30 seconds before I shut it off and decide I can find something better.

Technology has its drawbacks.

 

People BOUGHT porn?!?

 

Yes.

The progression for people my age went like this....

Age 4-5: Accidentally touch yourself in the tub, decide it feels good, keep hands on pecker at all times until yelled at and shamed for your behavior.

Age 11-12: See some hint of bra and/or book on a classmate, feel pants get tighter, wonder what's going on.

Age 13: Rediscover pleasantries long forgotten, look for any hint of sexuality in a movie and/or tv show.

Age 14: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit comes out. Don't leave room for a week.

Age 15: Stay up late to see boobs on Cinemax.

Age 16: Check PPV channels every night for possible scrambled porn.

Age 16: Discover Playboy as one classmate has brought it to school. Mission- Find more.

Age 17: Discover internet has porn. Go to chat rooms, offer to trade your terribly photoshopped picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt naked for one of Britney Spears naked. Get picture of John Elway instead and yell because you were ripped off.

Age 18: Buy Playboy. Then buy something worse. Then buy something much worse.

Age 19: Internet is taking off. Troll sites for hours looking for free porn.

Age 25-30: Because of desensitization, the only thing that will get you off now is a video of a woman dressed as a dominatrix spanking a clown and pouring hot wax on his ass while he sings the Star Spangled Banner.

 

Fixed.

 

I have done something similar for the last three months. I have gone without TV -- save for watching the odd movie at night or playing a video game once every week or two. There is no sitting in front of the boob tube watching reruns and drivle at 3 a.m. I was scared at first -- and really this is mostly financially motivated (forced to move from basement suite that was $500 all in including satelite and Internet, to Apartment thats $700 and only includes water/garbage, coupled with a 7 per cent pay cut). It has actually been kind of refreshing -- although I have found my internet time increase, I think it is slightly more contstructive than sitting on drain in front of the TV. However, now that the football season is in full gear and the nhl season about to start, I may just crack. I think I can make it another month though -- particularly because I will be on vacation for two of those weeks.

However, if it wasn't for the Interweb these days I would be lost. I could take or leave Facebook. right now it is a cheap way to stay in touch with family and friends. I don't live and die with it. Without instant access to sports scores, stories, news, etc. I think I would have issues. Now that I've had an iPhone since last December I think my reliance on having everything at my fingertips has only increased. Could I go back? probably. But then for sure I would need my TV.

 

It's made me nicer to people.

 

Sort of along the same lines, but I hate my cell phone. I have it everywhere and I am a texting fool, but I wish the things would never have been invented. If you walk outside and don't take it with you to the mailbox, the first thing you do is check to see if someone texted or called in the 45 seconds you were gone. If for some reason it's dead or you're out of service or forget it for a few hours it's like "Oh shit, what if someone wants to reach me."

I remember the joy of that being the reason to be away from home or outside is to not be reached.

 

Yes, and the worst part is you feel absolutely obligated to respond right away. Like if you didn't call back or email back within five minutes, you've breached some major rule of modern social etiquette. Which isn't entirely inaccurate. I've definitely had friends and family half-jokingly get on my case for not getting back to them immediately.

I think the 24-hour rule should be in effect. You have 24 hours to get back to someone, no questions asked.

 

I hate cell phones when someone at work leaves it on their desk when they go to the crapper and the phone starts ringing.

I love cell phones because, as a single dad, I'm still connected to my teenagers in case of emergency. (Though when my daughter texts me when I'm in the living room and she's in her room, it drives me batty.)

 

Wait...what do people do in the crapper if they don't take their phone?
[\guyinthecrapperwithhisphonerightnow]

 

Huzzah, good sir, huzzah!