How fast can you change a tire?

FOUR MINUTES!! Time me!

 

About two-and-a-half minutes.

 

I can't.

 

For the life of me, I can't understand why changing a flat tire isn't included in drivers education courses. It should be mandatory.

 

I've changed three tires on the interstate, driver side once. This was in weekend traffic on I-70 in Richmond, Ind. It wasn't fun.

I did it in five minutes, but that was in daylight. The tire on the other side blew out several hours later, fortunately, I had already bought the replacement for the other tire in Richmond. Took me a solid 20 in darkness near the I-76/I-71 split in Ohio, also a high-traffic area.

The worst I ever had, though, was on Wisconsin 29 a few years ago. For the uninitiated, Wisconsin 29 is a freeway going from Green Bay to the Twin Cities. Much of it goes through desolate farmland.

I had covered a Packers Monday night exhibition game and was making the three-hour trek back home. Just west of Wausau, just far enough to be out of civilization, my tire blew. I barely managed to get on the shoulder, as the tire was shredded, but because of the road grade, I couldn't get to any even pavement to change the tire.

So I try to do my best on uneven ground and the piece of shit jack provided with the car. Because of the road grade, I had to raise the car much higher than usual, which put extra stress on the jack. I had to wrestle with that flat for 30 minutes because I was in pitch black darkness and because it wrapped around itself, making it hard to get off.

As I tried to eyeball the donut on to the wheel in total darkness, I hear this creaking noise ... it dawns on me at the last minute that my jack was failing. I backed up the fuck up like my life depended on it (because, you know, it did) and the car dropped to the pavement. Fortunately, no damage was done and it didn't roll on me.

I gingerly re-jacked it, took my sweet time to get the donut on right, and went on my way. I still had 90 minutes to go under normal circumstances, which became nearly 3 hours on a donut I didn't trust. I think I got home at 8 a.m.

That is among many reasons why I think the number 29 is cursed for me. I was hit by someone on that same highway a few weeks later.

 

I can't.

 

Bull shit.

No shit?

 

Honestly, I don't know if I can change one. AAA does the job quite well, though.

 

Since my Jeep requires a Hi-Lift jack and runs 34-inch tires, I figure 30 minutes would be about right. Luckily, I've not had to change a tire yet. But I keep an old pair of coveralls under the rear seat so I won't get tire grunge on me when/if it happens.

 

If I really, really, really had to I could, but generally I let AAA take care of that.

 

I can do it in about 15 minutes if the cargo area of my SUV doesn't have a lot of stuff in it.

Two things:

First, unless you have a functional disability that makes it impossible, there's really no excuse for not being able to change a tire. We're not asking you to adjust the gaps on spark plugs or change a timing belt. Take the time and learn how to do it.

Second, for the love of all that is holy, please don't change the tire on the side of the road unless you're in bumfuck west Texas and the next non-road pavement is 100 miles away. A new rim might be $200. Your life is worth way more than that. Presumably.

 

Yup. That's why I pay CAA $100.00 a year.

Come to think of it, I haven't had to change a flat in about 25 years.