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How bad is this Boston Globe lede?

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by NightOwl, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. ports

    ports Guest

    I agree with Bob. His style annoys me sometimes -- he begins standalone quotes with, Said Garnett: "We just went out and executed". Kinda irritating to see three times in a story -- but that reporter is good.

    Definitely a shit-ton better than the last Celtics beat writer the Globe had.

    Note that final edition lede was a little better than the first one.

    Kevin Garnett missed the newest Celtic, Sam Cassell, so much that he sang a lyric in appreciation last night that Peaches & Herb would have been proud of.

    "It was good to see him over there. I hit him with, 'Reunited and it feels so good.' Other than that, it was good to see him," said Garnett, who played with Cassell in Minnesota from 2003-05.

    Sitting next to Garnett was teammate Paul Pierce, who asked: "Are you all right, big guy?"

    Garnett and the Celtics were definitely all right on this night, as they led by as many as 28 points while defeating the Chicago Bulls, 116-93.
     
  2. After the Celtics passed the ball around the horn to
    four players, Ray Allen nailed a 3-pointer to give them a
    51-36 lead in the second quarter. Seconds later, the
    concerned Bulls called time out.

    How do you start a gamer with a passive clause?
     
  3. Joe Williams

    Joe Williams Well-Known Member

    I agree, more or less as you can see.
     
  4. VJ

    VJ Member

    The anonymity of this board doesn't bother me except for threads like this where people are randomly shitting on a beat writer.
     
  5. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    I would in that case because the first paragraph tells me nothing I need to know.

    What was the final score? Who was the star player... anything fantastic happen....


    Now I'm sure this guys is a fine writer, but again, get informative.
     
  6. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    Isn't there some kind of frowning on posting other people's work for negative critiquing here? Especially since we don't know if said writer posts on SportsJournalists.com?
     
  7. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    Yes, it's bad form. And I'd love to see some of the APSE-worthy work NightOwl has produced.
     
  8. BTExpress

    BTExpress Well-Known Member

    Not in certain corners of the SportsJournalists.com universe.

    [/mitchalbom]
    [/mikelupica]
    [/jaymariotti]
    [/billsimmons]
     
  9. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

     
  10. I don't see the harm in picking apart a bad lead at a big paper. I really don't. The writer is covering the Celtics for chrissakes, so s/he can take a little criticism.

    So many people read that story and there's the possibility a young writer may think it's ok to write the same crappy way because he saw it in the Globe.
     
  11. forever_town

    forever_town Well-Known Member

    I think jgmacg would be better at explaining why it's bad form, but if we're so harsh on a story from someone who didn't submit this for critiquing, how are we going to treat people who DO submit their work for critique.

    It creates a chilling atmosphere for that.
     
  12. Boobie Miles

    Boobie Miles Active Member

    I think it's probably bad form to see any writer just getting killed like this; none of us would want to click on a thread to see one of our random article getting torn to shreds. But someone else made a good point: why is it OK to dissect "big" columnists like Whitlock, Simmons, Albom, etc. and not others; or where does a Globe beat writer fit in the pecking order.

    As for a chilling effect, you may be right, I don't go to the Writer's Workshop much. But I also think people would go a little easier on a first year j-school student looking for a gamer to be critiqued than a piece written by a beat writer at a major metro.
     
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