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Homophobic, lying racist

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Big Buckin' agate_monkey, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. Big Buckin' agate_monkey

    Big Buckin' agate_monkey Active Member

    Not really. He just wanted out of jury duty.


    Woulda been smarter to avoid mentioning he wanted to avoid jury duty.
  2. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    I wonder if he'll use the defense "that stuff I said about being a homophobic racist and habitual liar to get out of jury service was all just a bunch of lies"
  3. OnTheRiver

    OnTheRiver Active Member

    Would seem to be the best defense in this case.

    Of course, just shutting up and doing a few hours of community service -- possibly at a home for gay black people that are habitual liars -- might also be a good punishment.
  4. Big Buckin' agate_monkey

    Big Buckin' agate_monkey Active Member

    Better ways to get out of jury duty:

    *I hate all people but those of the Republic of Seychelles

    *Is jury duty like in Law and Order, where it only lasts 60 seconds at most. If so, I'm in and I'm not a homophobic, lying racist

    *Will there be beer & pretzels served in the jury box?

    *Does the jury box have those little keypads that we push the button to pick the winner?

    *Does this mean I'm going to be on the People's Court? Man, I love me some Judge Wopner.

    *AWESOME, I've always wanted to throw the book at someone? Can I practice on you?
  5. chazp

    chazp Active Member

  6. He should have just said he was a reporter.
    Works every time.
  7. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    This may be true. I would have no problem sitting on a criminal jury. I see jury duty as, well, a duty. I don't particularly want to, but the two times I went for jury duty at criminal court, I wasn't trying to get out of it. Both times, I got called for cases, and every single time, one of the attorneys used one of his exceptions on me--even though I wasn't trying to get out of serving. I think it may have had to do with what I do for a living, but I am not sure. One time, I swear the prosecutor wanted only jurors who didn't speak English. I was excused, but a guy who spoke Spanish and had a minimal grasp of English was approved. The judge even asked him if he understood English and the guy stared back with a blank look on his face. Next thing I know, I was dismissed and he was sitting on the jury.

    I do have a problem with civil court. Pisses me off. I was called for jury duty there once, and I was determined not to sit on an actual jury. I got questioned for a case of a woman suing a supermarket because she said she fell outside of it. I was busy with work, and I was going to be damned if I spent two weeks on that nonsense. So when her lawyer questioned me, I told him he reminded me a lot of the lawyer with the bad toupee who I used to always see doing late night commercials with an 800 number flashing at the bottom of the screen. Her attorney asked me what I thought of that lawyer, and I smirked and said, "Anything for a buck, eh?"

    I was excused.

    If I was trying to get off a criminal jury, I think I'd opt for this one: "Your honor, I think I would be GREAT for this jury. I can tell a criminal just like that! [/snap my finger] It's all in the distance between the eyes."
  8. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    Tell the lawyers you're a journalist.
    If that doesn't work, answer every questions with 'potato salad.'
  9. Mystery_Meat

    Mystery_Meat Guest

    Try the potato salad one first. That sounds like more fun.

    I tried to wiggle out of jury duty last year by telling them that I was a reporter, and that they didn't have anyone who could fill in. Didn't work, because I live in a city where maybe 30 percent of the jury duty summons actually get answered. I've been on jury duty twice, once at 18, once at 32, while almost nobody else in the family has been even once. Go figure.
  10. Pilot

    Pilot Well-Known Member

    See, it's comments like this that landed this dipshit in trouble. I bet he's pissed. Everyone (me included) is always like "act dumb" "tell then you hate black people" "tell them you already decided" joking around. This moron is the first person I've ever heard actually try anything that stupid and wham, he gets caught.

    I hope you're happy, Ragu. I hope you're happy.
  11. Webster

    Webster Well-Known Member

    If it is a criminal case, simple way to get out of jury duty -- tell the judge/lawyers that you have a belief that a person wouldn't be on trial unless they did something wrong, even if instructed otherwise.
  12. GuessWho

    GuessWho Active Member

    Not in our city. We've had reporters and columnists get picked a bunch.
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