Holy crap do I suck at golf

For the umpteenth time: If you are serious about playing decent golf, buy a set of cheap knockoff clubs (you can get an entire set for around $300 new); spend some money on a few lessons; hit a bunch of practice balls in between lessons instead of playing; only listen to what the professional tells you. Don't listen to fred standing next to you who can't break 100 or your buddy sal, who can occassionally break 80 but knows little about teaching; after you get comfortable in most facets of the game, then get out and play.
Most of all, early on don't worry so much about your score. the object is to have as much fun as golf will let you. when you hit a good shot, try to think about what you did correctly. golf should be about enjoying the day not so much about how well you play.

 

Remember that many golf courses have holes parallel to each other. As long as you hit it onto A fairway, you can work your way toward the hole. Just keep moving forward.

Now, a golf horror story.
On July 4 we went to a barbecue at my brother-in-law's house in the country. He has a big cow pasture behind the house, and after a while he broke out the clubs and we started using it as a driving range. We were hitting from the side yard, and there's a fence that was about 30 feet to the right and ran maybe 50 feet to the pasture. I took one drive and knocked it off the last fence post.
The ball ricocheted more than 100 feet back to the left, damn near hitting some kids in the pool and some adults on the deck. I think it then hit off the deck and ended up out in the grass, about 50 feet in front of the back deck.
Damndest thing I'd ever seen. I've hit plenty of bad shots, but I've never seen a ball bounce around like that.

 

A group of friends gets together every year to play the Keystone Invitational Golf Classic (Motto: Wouldn't It Be Great?). Last weekend was it. It used to be played at the majestic Gulfport (Miss.) Par 3, but Katrina knocked it out of commission. It returned to the Fort Worth area to be played at the Benbrook 3 Par for the second time. It was my first time to make it there. Most of the folks in the tournament play golf once a year, few more than five times. It's beer drinking interrupted by golf, really. (I won Tournament Lush this year.)

I usually play with one club. Used to be a 5-wood. Nothing could be more ridiculous than a Par 3 played with a wood. Since Katrina got my 5-wood, I just grab a club out of somebody's bag when we get there. This year, I went with a 2-iron. On the practice green before the shotgun start (guy chugged a beer right after the ceremonial first drive by a former participant who's fighting back from multiple myeloma), I turned around and putted left-handed to get a better surface. Worked like a champ. I shot 42-40-40 (three nines of individual play the first day), then scrambled with partner the second day. Don't remember what the first nine was, but it was respectable. Then we played the back 3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-4. That last was frustrating, but I helped my partner finish second. Actually, he was a little pissed. First prize is a six-pack of Keystone. Second prize is a 12-pack.

 

I haven't played in almost 20 years. I was OK on the range. I hit all my best shots there.
On the course, I didn't do as well. My most vivid memory was hitting a fairway shot, thinking "head down, head down, head down...," then lifting my head up as I hit it. Some guy I didn't know who was playing with us said "You lifted your head up."
I just looked at him as if to say "No shit, Sherlock."
My mind and my body are seldom on the same page, as you can probably tell by all the typos I have on this board.

 

Well, easy for you to say, 2under, you apparently shoot 70 every time. ;D

 

I'm dusting off the sticks tomorrow for the first time in more than two years.

I'll report back on my sucktitude.

 

Not far from it...

 

And he looks damn good while doing it. I'm convinced Jorts will be making a huge comeback this year.

 

After my last round a few weeks ago, I am ready to give it up. I have a mental block on shots in the 30-70 yard range which require less than a full swing. I'm OK on the range, but when I get to the course, I can't hit the shot and end up dribbling it to the right.

 

Welcome to the board, Mr. Barkley.

 

Played today for the first time in about two years. Me and a buddy just walked nine, and I came in at 50. It was about what I expected. Driver got me in trouble a couple of times, which cost me a couple of strokes each time. Left a couple of putts short, which led to a couple of strokes.

With a few days at the range and on the practice green, I think I can get that down a few strokes.

Pretty happy, overall.

 

I played 18 for the first time in many moons the other day.
Shot a 125. Not exactly earth shattering. But hey, the sport is like a drug. I hit some good shots with this knockoff hybrid I bought and now I can't wait to play again.
Now if I could just use the wedge with as much skill on the course as I do in the backyard life would be good.