Hole-in-one witnesses

And this is why I don't like that my paper doesn't require witnesses.

 

In that case I'll let the desk guys know about my fab, fab, fabulous round of 54 on TW 2005. It was me. I created myself. I was a god.

I can't believe some drunk could call in and claim an ace on Golden Tee and it actually made the paper. That boggles the mind. But not as much as my 54. Print it.

 

Actually I'm kind of glad Boots didn't have a witness.

 

My boss also adheres to this rule. One of the longer par 3's for us measures about 190 or so. I use a hybrid 4... he uses 3-wood. And he mutters the same line every time he gets to that hole:

"If this goes in, it's a 5-iron."

 

I'm such a bad golfer that I wouldn't care if it read:

PopeDirkBenedict used a Big Bertha driver to ace the 113-yard par-3 7th hole at Big Joe's Golf Course and All-Nite Diner. His father, the lone witness, proclaimed his son to be pansy-ass who needed a driver to hit the ball that far and told him that even though he just turned 51, he could still beat his son up if he wanted to.

 

Mrs. Havercamp: Whee!!!

Mr. Havercamp: That's a peach hon. Oh dolly I'm hot today!!!

 

Earlier this week an old lady left a rant on our voicemail about why we print results from the men's, women's and senior divisions of the regional golf association but not the state junior league (complete with gems like "Why can't we get some news about the GOOD things these young people are doing.") We of course don't print it because there's no one from the region and we rarely even get results.

Closed with one of the greatest lines of all-time: "And why do you even print these hole-in-ones? We've ALL come close to a hole-in-one, and as we all know, they are PURE LUCK!"

Just fantastic reasoning.

 

From The Tennessean, about a 15-year-old kid who claimed to have made 9 aces in a 73-day span in 1998 (Dave Kindred or Tom Callahan did a column in Golf Digest about this kid's claims, which some of the 'witnesses' refuted, if I remember correctly):

LOCAL GOLF-HOLES-IN-ONE At Pine Creek G.C.-Brad Farmer aced the 196-yard No. 3 with a 5-iron. Witnesses were Papa Farmer, Ron Milsap and Ray Charles.

 

Column was written by Kindred. Here's the link:

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0HFI/is_1_50/ai_54390606/pg_3

 

I think a whole lot of you missed my original point. I'll lay it out ...

-- I think all hole-in-one submissions should come from a golf course via fax or e-mail.
-- I think any hole-in-one submissions from a golf course should have witnesses included.
-- We run all hole-in-ones that meet the first two standards, but witnesses do not need to be published because once we know its been verified, the witnesses, to me, are extraneous information. The news is the person making the hole-in-one, not the buddies who drank a Natty Light as the ball fell in the cup on the beer hole.

And to those who think the inclusion of witnesses sells papers? Please.

 

If I had a dollar for every time I was drinking a Natty as a buddy drained one ...