Hey Sci-Fi (or SyFy) idiots ... those ghosts don't speak English

So I'm watching Ghost Hunters International tonight with Mrs. Bubbler on Sci-Fi, or SyFy as they're calling themselves now, to the extreme! This show and its American (?) twin have always been pretty stupid, probably 90 percent fake, but an entertaining way to kill an hour nonetheless.

Tonight they trekked to the Czech Republic, or more specifically to "Bohemia, Czech Republic" as they called it, because we're all stupid and they won't think that any of us know Bohemia is a region, not a city. Of course, they're probably right. It was actually Cesky Krumlov.

They investigated a haunted castle, oddly named Cesky Krumlov, ripped straight from The Trial or The Metamorphosis or The Castle (duh) or some other Franz Kafka book I never, ever read, but enjoy referencing Kafka just to look smart on SJ.



This castle had haunted theatres, haunted parapets, a saints bones, haunted dungeons, and haunted ballrooms because they're the ballrooms I love best.

So they do their thing, setting up ultra-modern sound equipment (read: digital recorder you can buy at Staples), DVRs, thermal imaging, etc., as if you can prove or disprove paranormal activity in the span of one night for a basic cable show.

One of the things they frequently do on these shows is to try and basically trash-talk the ghosts into fucking up to create "evidence" on their recorders or video cameras. They'll walk around a room where activity allegedly took place and say stuff like, "If you want to tell us to 'get out', feel free to do so."

They're always so polite about it, which mystifies me. If I were trying to incite a ghost or a saint, I'd say shit like, "I'm Satan incarnate! Come join me in your rightful place in eternal hell!"

So their doing this routine in the haunted theatre and the whole stupidity of the enterprise hit me more so than usual. They're in fucking BOHEMIA. Why in the hell would these ghosts, who were probably card-carrying subjects of the Hapsburg dynasty, who probably feared vampires, Turks and disease (in that order), understand one fucking word these idiots were saying?

The ghost they were trying to punk'd was an actress who fell in love with her lead actor, but was jilted, so she offed herself on stage during a performance. So GHI dude is saying stuff like, "If you want to reenact your play, we'd like to watch it."

Maybe she would if you'd speak Bohemian, Czech, German, Slovakian, Moravian, hell, Swabian, you fucking sub-moronic Ghostbuster you.

Svatý hovno. jak? hloupý činit ona cenit my ar?

 

Bubs: This is great stuff, as usual. Made me LOL a couple of times, even!

I enjoy these shows for the reason you mentioned -- a decent way to kill an hour.

Like the original GH much more, though.

 

Actual Hapsburgs only feared sleeping with people who weren't family members.

 

That's not a castle (Burg). That's a castle (Schloß).

We echte Deutscher know the difference.

 

Jak se mas

 

Yep, each generation of intrabreeding added another half-inch to the chin.

 

The original version is much better.

GHI is terrible. They go in there BELIEVING and THINKING they're going to find ghosts. So every little sound or weird thing that happens, they mostly chalk it up to ghosts, which is ridiculous in so many ways. I mean you go in there thinking it's going to happen and there goes your objectivity and your investigative skills are muddied.

Plus, they go to all these urban legend places like Dracula's Castle. That's more just creepy than haunted.

Finally, the people on there are just not likeable. Rob, Barry and Andy are just...ugh.

The American version with Jason and Grant and Co. is much better. They'll actually tell people they're batshit crazy, liars or they simply didn't find any evidence. I've watched entire hour episodes where they'll disprove everything (shadow is a passing car, mysterious sound is a vent, feeling of dread/fear in the basement is high EMF put off by your fuse box).

Also, they use a ton more stuff than a digital recorder you can buy at Staples. Try EMF detectors, digital cameras, heat sensors, infrared, etc. They drop tons of money and high-tech stuff that your neighborhood ghost hunter doesn't.

Personally, I believe in the paranormal. There are things that happen that we just can't explain. It's beyond our realm of understanding, beyond this life, whatever. I'm not saying ghosts haunt us, mainly because I've never seen one. But weird shit happens. I do think stuff like demonology, seances, and ouija boards is out there and sort of crazy, though.

 

I believe in the paranormal too, but when they're doing the voice recordings, they are absolutely using a Sony recorder you can buy at Staples. In fact, they have the same model that I use.

 

I know this. But I'm talking all the other stuff.