Hey, now I feel young!

For those of us who like to revel in what remains of our youth (or those of us who still have our youth), let's change the subject a little bit to moments where you feel young.

I'll start: I was going to this gay strip club with my dad's partner just after I turned 29. We get to the door and the guy doesn't card him, but cards me. I pull out my ID and he stares at it for a good 10-15 seconds.

Guard: "You do NOT look your age!"

Me: "How old did you think I was?"

Guard: "I thought you were pushing 20."

Me: "I could kiss you for that."

More recently, I was at this bar that's right near the Big University my paper covers and gets many of its student writers from. I'm talking to these guys who seemed to be in their mid- to late-30s. They tell me their ages (37 and 38) and then go, "how old are you? Twenty-two or 23?"

Me: "Thirty-four."

Them: "Get the fuck out!"

 

Whenever I shave, I look like a prepubescent boy, but heavier. So, until recently, whenever I went into a high school during operating hours, the secretaries would card me. They'd say, "Why are you late?" Then I pull out my work ID, which almost proves I'm not 13.

 

I was just in the self serve register at the local grocery store tonight and I had to wait for a cashier to come clear one of my purchases since it was "age restricted."



















It was cough medicine.

 

I got that once at a high school in our coverage area. The principal asked why I wasn't in class and what the hell I was doing in his hallway. I had no clue what to say, so I just pulled my ID out and said "I'm not one of your kids. I'm a writer from the Podunk Press here for a story I'm working on."

Turns out he was just kidding around with me. One of the admins at the school let him know I was coming and what I looked like, so he knew who I was. Damn bastard almost had me.

 

It happened to me at every high school football game I covered, too. Once I got out of that area, it tailed off a bit. Of course, I'm not 23 anymore.

 

I never get tired of people trying to figure out how old I am. I had one old lady say she thought I had just graduated high school. When I told her I graduated almost five years ago (holy shit), she laughed at me. And then I showed her my ID.

 

During my senior year of college people would ask what grade I was in and I would respond, "I'm a senior."

Then they'd ask where I'm going to college and I'd be like:

"Umm I graduate from college in like 2 weeks."

 

Hate to rain on your parade there, Forever, but doormen often use that move to get tail. Sorry.

 

Then wouldn't that be a good thing for FT, that a doorman wanted his tail?

 

I pull proveably hot demonstrably hot boys ten years my junior

 

Fixed.

 

I feel like I'm 10 again every time my pubes start growing back after I shave them.

What?