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Hey I'm Back

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by pride of pleasantville, Sep 1, 2010.

  1. P
  2. cranberry

    cranberry Well-Known Member

    This really scares me coming from someone who purports to be a writer. Overall, you need a lot of work on basic grammar.
  3. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Well, for starters, pp, you are using up the world's supply of parentheses at an alarming rate.

    Also, if this is an opinion piece, just give your opinion. Don't say, "I think," etc.

    Beyond that, you need to find a focus. Say that Jerry Colangelo should require players who want to play in the Olympics to play in FIBA (though that would have its own set of difficulties).

    Start with that statement -- not with what other people are saying -- and then prove why it's needed.
  4. You lost me here:

  5. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    I'm going to pretend you aren't a sock Puppet. Lets start with the first two sentences. Here's a tip for both.

    1. Don't start with some people. Try to be engaging. Some people could mean my grandma, my postal carrier, the bum who asks for change near the Greyhound station.

    2. Don't put Tyson Chandler in parenthesis at the end. He is the subject of the sentence.

    You could say:

    "Many sports analysts are calling this year's US FIBA World Championship team a B-team, but with sixth man who only averages 8 points per game in the NBA, the B-team designation is too generous."

    You can add Tyson Chandler in, or you can leave him out. Because after that sentence the reader is thinking "who is this player who only averages 8 points per game."

    I'll let someone else take the next two sentences.
  6. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    Opinions are like ...

    Why should we care what you think? Not trying to be rude, but what are your credentials that would make people give a crap.

    As has been written on a previous post of yours, work on basic grammar and writing first before you think you can play with the big boys.
  7. KJIM

    KJIM Well-Known Member

    This graph:

    What was LeBron to tired from all of his decision making? Or could he not convince ESPN to make a 1 hour special about his decision whether or not to play? Him and many other 2008 Olympic teammates watched the USA scrimmage itself in New York on ESPN I mean if any basketball player could use some the good will of donning the Red, White and Blue you would think it would be Lebron?

    is the only one I read, and it makes me not want to read anything else.

    Work on basic grammar. I forget how old you are, but this reads like a 10-year-old wrote it. Anyone in high school should know how to use commas, not to mention subject pronouns.

    PoP, start small. Read lots and practice writing. Not big writing, small writing. This is stream-of-consciousness or something -- not sure what you were trying for.

    But practice the basics first.
  8. Twoback

    Twoback Active Member

    Also, make sure your facts are straight.
    The entire USA coaching staff was in place. K, Boeheim, Nate McMillan and D'Antoni.
    D'Antoni begged off because of a back injury and was replaced by Jay Triano, who worked in the past with the USA Select Team (that included Love, Westbrook, Rose, Durant, Iguodala in '08, so he had a pretty strong connection).
    That big a factual error undermines your credibility.
  9. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    If facts were an issue, Bleacher Report would be out of business. Facts are the least of the OP's concerns at this point.
  10. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    all be it?
    Do you mean albeit?

    Come back when you grow up and learn to write English
  11. ringer

    ringer Member

    Bingo (above).

    You need to work on clarity. Big time.

    Start by writing simple declarative sentences with proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

    If you want a few things to work on immediately - I suggest you learn when to use (and when NOT to use) commas, when you need a question mark instead of a period, the difference between "too" and "to," how to proofread your work so that no words are missing and you don't repeat phrases, when it's appropriate to hyphenate adjectives, how to structure a simple sentence, and the proper way to integrate phrases into a sentence.

    There is no shame in going back to the basics. You're young enough so that if you learn things properly the first time, you won't have to break horrendous habits later.

    I haven't even discussed the reporting here, because - for you - clarity is even more important right now.

    Keep at it.
  12. Drip

    Drip Active Member

    PP, I don't mean to sound nasty but why should I care what you think? I have a mind of my own and can formulate my own opinion.
    It's great that you want to get your point across but leave out "I think."
    It really cheapens any opinion piece, in my opinion.
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