Hey grads, you're not special

The "My mommy says I'm special" group is the official name I believe.

 

Every graduation should have a bingo card.

Thank You Parents/You are the future/Give Back
We face challenges/FREE/Quote from Dr. Seuss/Homer Simpson
Quote from Gandhi or Einstein/Anecdotes only graduates will get/Don't be a stranger and make sure you donate

 

You think you're smart huh? Think you can come up here and take a piece of this? Huh? Any of you? You? You? Listen, Harvard. I'm a billionaire. And most of you are gonna graduate, and move back in with your parents! I'm gonna tell you somethin', though. We have something in common: we're all gonna die. No matter whatcha' do, no matter whatcha' do with your lives, you're dead! You're dead! You're dying. You're gonna die, all of you, dead. You, dead. You, dead, all of you. You, lady? Your tits will be eaten by maggots, in just a few short years. So here's my message, my message to you, a very simple message: Go forth. Go forth, and DIIIIIE!

 

This year -- according to my wife the sudden expert (thanks to 3 nephews/nieces) -- it's Hunger Games. All three "graduations" featured a Hunger Games quote.

 

This.

Reminds me of Murry Chass calling out the world of journalism in his Cooperstown speech. Wrong time and place for that shit.

 

The guy's daddy made his name and fortune writing about great men.

This "lesson" is probably coming down from him.

 

Bet you were glad you won that coin flip -- or were working.

 

The latter -- never been happier to be in a meeting.

 

If there's a school to do this at, it's Wellesley High. Many prep schools have nothing on that place.

 

Many people don't remember a damn thing about any of the speeches given in any graduation.

I remember just a few words from certain select graduations:

The first four words of the keynote speaker at my high school graduation: "I REFUSE TO ACCEPT" -- after I'd just introduced her.

"No one will remember your college GPA," -- my friend who gave the student speech at both the main university commencement and his college's individual ceremony. He graduated the semester before I did.

"The three keys to college success: Edit-Select all, Edit-Copy, Edit-Paste." -- Kweisi Mfume during my main university commencement. He also mentioned something about cum laude, magna cum laude and summa cum laude. Then he talked about the fourth distinction: "Thank you, Laude."

After a friend and former news editor at my university's student newspaper relayed a story involving an elected official trying to blow him off and someone crying in his arms as a result of whatever it was that led said official to try to blow off my friend, his last four words after he went BACK to said official stuck with me: "Answer the damn question."

Of course, I remember nothing I ever said at a graduation, but I do remember doing a Stevie Nicks twirl with a shawl over my graduation gown at my individual college ceremony.

 

I remember two things of my graduations:
High School: At the rehearsal, a few really hots chicks came in with nothing but bikinis on and Daisy Dukes
College: I made out with my cousin's friend the night before and then ran into her in the hall while I was with my girlfriend and she almost started to flip out since she thought I was single.

Speeches? Nope...not one word remembered.

 

Never graduated HS, but had brutally boring speakers from college & grad school: Sheldon Silver & Bill Lan Lee. Whenever I hear stories like this I get jealous.