1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

help with player feature

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Huggs4Thuggs, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Huggs4Thuggs

    Huggs4Thuggs New Member

    I would love some help improving this feature on a volleyball player. Go ahead and critique the whole story. albeit corny, I am somewhat happy with the lede but think it could be worded better, I've struggled with it all day.

    Also, I am having real trouble ending this thing. I need to add a few inches.

    Thank you in advance. your help is appreciated.

    -Very truly yours,

    Hollis Green

    On top of being a tongue twister, Kansas State senior setter Stacey Speigelburg is a lot of other things. The 21-year old Kansas native wears the hat of student, athlete, aspiring nurse, fiancé, and former basketball standout. However if the Kansas State volleyball team hopes to put a dismal 2006 season behind them, she will have to play yet another role


    Despite playing a position that is sometimes overlooked, Speiglburg, a setter, will have to make her presence known on the floor this season, as she has been charged with the task of leading her team back to a competitive level.

    “I’ve been a three-year captain, but I’m defiantly more of a leader now,” she said of her role this season. “I’m more vocal. I know the game now so I’m more comfortable as a senior. I’ve been a three-year captain, but I’m defiantly more of a leader. I’m more vocal. I know the game now.”

    In 2007, Speigelburg will attempt to pilot the Wildcats back to the top of the Big 12 after a calamity of a season a year ago. The wildcats won just 12 games in 2006, the teams lowest win total since 1994. However in a time of despair, head coach Suzie Fritz found hope in her setter.

    “It’s so much fun when they get to the point in their career where they know some stuff,” Fritz said. “They understand what their expectations are, and they understand the demands of the Big 12. I saw that with Stacey last spring. It’s so much fun to coach them when they get to that point and Stacey is there.”
    city that houses it before her first official visit, a visit that changed everything.

    “I didn’t grow up a K-State fan,” Spiegelberg said. “I actually didn’t know too much about K-State at all. I just came on a visit and fell in love with the town and the coaches.”

    If Spiegelberg’s first love in Manhattan was the university itself, her second was former Wildcat quarterback Alan Everidge, to whom she has recently become engaged, and though she admits her beau’s transfer to Wisconsin was tough on her, the thought of accompanying him to Badger-land never so much as crept into her mind.

    “My commitment is here,” she said. “It was really hard to have him leave and I miss him a lot, but I had a commitment to K-State.”

    The importance the 6-foot Spiegelberg places on accountability and commitment may in fact be the reason nobody associated with her or the Wildcat volleyball program is worried that a long distance relationship or the rigors that come with planning a wedding will distract her from the task at hand during the 2007 season.

    “When she is on the court she is focused on the court and only the court,” said middle blocker Megan Kroeker of Spiegelberg. “She is focused on bettering people and encouraging them. She is the epitome of a leader.”

    When it comes to bettering people, Spielberg is among the best. She ranks fifth on the school’s all-time assists list, and holds the forth highest assist per game average in the history of the program, and though her stats will continue to pile up, Spieglberg insists she isn’t counting.

    “I’m not too worried about my individual statistics,” she said. “My goal is to put the hitters in the best possible position. Every time I give a set I want it to be the best. That’s what I’m looking forward to”
  2. bydesign77

    bydesign77 Active Member

    an engaged female is fiancee
  3. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    You are wanting to drive home her leadership qualities and are having trouble closing the piece, why not use the quote from Kroeker?

    There are lots of editing mistakes and I corrected a few, so I hope this isn't a final draft. Even at that, you should probably make sure those are corrected before posting.

    But thanks for posting, I hope I don't sound too harsh.

    This needs some work. Remember outlines? Nothing wrong with those and it helps your organize the piece.

    Maybe dive into the relationship between her and her financee and how they're dealing with being apart?

    Right now there is a lot of places where you skim the surface but don't offer any depth into the subject.
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page