Help Please...In-Laws Problem

So my wife of 16 years has had a falling out with her parents who live 3000 miles away (she moved away to where we are and I met her to get away). Father's always been controlling and wife, only daughter, has always acquiesced to those demands in many respects and while confronting him at times, never really called him out for exactly what he is. I have never said anything to father in law, just kept mouth shut, hi, hello, thank you for your gifts, how's your health, goodbye. Well she had a blowout phone call with him last week and it looks like communications are over and mother in law who would always respond and talked to wifey almost daily has likewise stopped. Wife is very hurt but adamantly tells me not to contact them. I've complied but I just want to call them to see if that's their decision without any bias or statements on wife's behalf.

Any clues? Any advice? (I am fortunate enough to have parents who just let me grow in my own way and never told me what to do after I went to college.)

 

Never been married, but I would not contact them.

You need to be "on her side" in this. You talk to the in-laws, and you look disloyal.

 

I would stay the hell out of it. YF is right. If your wife is finally standing up to her father, the last thing she wants is her husband going behind her back to contact them. There is nothing to be gained there.

 

Gonna go with YF on this one. If you think your wife is being unreasonable, that's between you and her. But whatever is happening between your wife and her parents is between them, and she needs to handle it in her way. Be "on her side."

From what I read in the original post, this has been brewing between her and her dad for a long time and was probably overdue.

 

Everyone has to know their own wife, I guess.

I would never, ever undercut my wife like that. She has a long history of doing the right thing, but only after you've given her time and space to have her emotional blowup. Trying to go behind her back like that would not go well.

 

Yeah, I was leaning heavily towards not doing anything. Its been successful for 16 years for me. Just wanted to let it out somehow. Thanks folks. Really.

 

Do NOT contact her parents without her consent.

 

"Wife is very hurt but adamantly tells me not to contact them"

That answered it for me.

 

Do not do something your wife has asked you not to do. With time, the level of her hatred is likely to lessen.

Trust me on this: it is very difficult to pick up the phone and make that first move toward reconciliation. But life is far too short to hold grudges like this. If she ever realizes this, she'll reach out.

Good luck.

 

When it comes to matters like these, you are a blindly loyal member of team Mrs. qtlaw, especially when the hurt is fresh.

 

Third the notion not to contact them.

I am lucky, I guess, not to have any significant issues with family members but if I did, it seems that not talking to someone who has been a controlling asshole and lives 3,000 miles away would be a good thing.

 

Follow your wife's wishes and do not contact them. It's as simple as that.