Help me, I'm turning Southern

I've done it twice in the last four days; I've curled up into the fetal position because of it twice...


And no. No fixin, no y'alll

 

Well, I can certainly laugh at my expense, and that was pretty damn funny.

Write,
Nothing personal; I just get annoyed by that stereotype. Closeted racism, like general idiocy, is not confined by geography.

 

Sorry but you're wrong, Pall. Northern racists don't even bother concealing it.

 

I live in Texas and am Texan. My company's home office is in the Great Plains part of the Midwest. I don't have a very strong accent, but I do say "y'all."

When I lived up in the Midwest, I was constantly mocked for saying "y'all." The usual response was "Y'ALL! Y'ALL! Y'ALL!" fired back at me in mocking fashion whenever I used the dreaded nonstandard pronoun. I've been back in Texas and have been y'all-ing comfortably, without fear of reproach. Then someone from the home office comes down this week. After hearing me say "y'all" twice in one breath, the Midwesterner says contemptuously, "How many y'all's can you get in one sentence?"

Mind you, this person is from a part of the country that has its share of regional linguistic and cultural peculiarities. For example, the common phrase "you're welcome," while understood, is rarely used. Many a time in that region, I said "Thank you" to someone in a social situation, only to have the person reply with a vacant, flat silence. Many a time, my standard expressions of gratitude were rewarded with an unfocused, confused gaze, like they had unwittingly shit in their pants and couldn't figure out what bulky, sticky feeling in their drawers might be.

However, I did not mock these people. Not once did I get all up in their grille and say "The correct response to 'Thank you,' you semiverbal, somnambulistic fuck, is 'You're welcome!'"

Yeah, I'm a real hillbilly 'cause I say "y'all." At least I'm not so cretinous that I can't conduct myself appropriately in an everyday verbal exchange. We may have regional diction, but we also have some fucking manners.

 

I'll back that... one of the first columns I wrote down here I said that "you have the politest kids I've ever met."
The thought of writing "y'all" or "all y'all" never crossed my mind...

 

You know, when I'm traveling I'm amazed at the reactions I get when I use "sir" or "ma'am." Some people act like they've never been addressed that way.

 

Just so y'all know: I didn't start this thread to rip the South, maybe tease it a little, but not rip it. I say y'all quite comfortably and I'm certainly enjoying the boiled peanuts. I even married a Southern Belle who says "pin" when she wants something to write with.

I'm not being condescending. I just find it funny how much a part of it I'm becoming.

 

: : :

 

I've lived in the South for 27 years and I've never had boiled peanuts.
I also don't drink sweet tea, but I do say ya'll (my preferred spelling).
What was No. 4 on your list?

 

I love to see the little 2 and 3 year olds call everyone miss. Like, "Hi, ms. Jane. Hi Ms. Lilly." By the time they're five and six, it's second nature. And yes, my daughter says sir and ma'am, but mostly it's followed by "Do you understand?!"

 

The peanuts.

 

That reminds me what No. 8 on my list should be.

8. Don't grow to be so damned defensive about the South. Get the fuck over it.