Help CradleRobber understand...

why current girls react the way they do about exes, especially given these circumstances:

The girls involved are the ex (to those at the outing, the old house) from back home and a girl from college who I met last year, dated for a few months and had/still have feelings for. The ex and I only dated for a couple months (and broke up 15 months ago), but it got pretty serious pretty fast.

The reason those feelings I had for the current girl never developed into a relationship for me is because I didn't want a serious relationship then, and that's what she was looking for. And even though she wanted one, she was still hesitant at times to admit it because she hated/hates the ex and got insanely jealous when I drove six hours each way home two of every three weekends last year (not always to see the ex).

One weekend that the current girl (who is 18) visited home with me, she met the ex (who turns 16 today). They have always hated each other, and I'm afraid they always will. During that encounter, and in contact since, the ex and I have both tried to help the current girl understand that we are just very good friends and we are NOT getting back together. She doesn't believe that, apparently.

Why?! It's the truth. She knows how close the ex and I are, and what our friendship means to each other. I'm not going to give up that friendship for a relationship with the current girl, but I think I finally do want to be with her. Is this possible? Why can't she understand that even though it has taken more than a year to get over the ex, I'm ready to be with her? She still wants to be with me too, but the old friendship seems to make things funky. Why can't she believe we're just friends?

 

bitches be like that

 

Thanks, Hoops.

 

Asking, not judging, how old are you?

 

Nineteen, will start my second year of college Tuesday.

But seriously 21, you must have some insight. I really just need to know why girls act this way, and if there's anything more I can do to convince.

 

Has she gotten hurt by this incident in the past? Has someone left her for an ex who claimed they were "just friends"?

If she has, there's your answer.

 

My wife has long believed, hard-core, that you can't be friends with former flames. I didn't agree with her when we first started banging, thinking her opinion harsh -- but her ass, so sweet -- and yet now, after my previous ladyfriend went batshit crazy psycho stalker, I have come to subscribe to my wife's point of view.

Once you bone a friend, she will never be just your friend again, and after you're done, you gotta make those breaks clean, son.

 

I have managed to maintain a friendship with my first love, though it took some time to get to that point.

 

Hate to say it IJAG, but before you get married, that'll end. Your husband is not going to be happy taking phone calls from your first paw.

 

or start hitting it again

 

Jones is right IJAG. I'm giving up exes who had become friends for Doc.

 

Well, here's my insight, but you probably won't like it, so I apologize in advance if I sound like your mom or something.

What Jones said, if he was Dr Phil: You can't have it both ways. A relationship--a real one, not a sorta-kinda one--is a commitment to taking care of the other person's feelings, especially when it comes to exes and jealousy.

The new girl wants to feel that she's it for you....that you don't need to confide in another girl, or spend time with another girl when you could be with her. It doesn't have to make sense to you, that's just how it is. If you want to show her she matters to you, cool it with the ex for a while, until she's confident that you're serious about a new and committed relationship.

I asked about your age because the ex was only 14 when she was your girlfriend...you may be over it (and you should be) but maybe she's not...girls have a wavelength that guys can't see, and your current girl may be picking up signals you can't detect. There's a fine line between being 'best friends' with the ex, and still being involved in a way that messes up a new relationship. If your ex is really your friend, she should tell you to go take care of your new girlfriend.

Short answer, if you want to establish this new relationship, cool it with the ex. And if that is something you can't or won't do, be prepared for the new relationship to fizzle.