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headline and lede

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by ltrain1127, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    I read Adam Sandler and 50 Cent in the lede, I stop reading.
     
  2. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    You and I are old, though.

    How about Adolph Menjou and Harry Crosby?
     
  3. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    Damn, jg, we ain't that old (are we?)

    In general, I find the pop culture references to be way over done. To me, they should be avoided in almost all instances.
     
  4. GB-Hack

    GB-Hack Active Member

    Honestly, I think this is a lot better. The other one, while ok, seemed to be too cluttered. This makes a good reference and gives a nice link to introducing the feature of the story.
     
  5. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    I agree completely. In this case I was willing to let it slide a little since he was only asking about pairing a hed with a lede.

    Which it seems he has since abandoned. I would miss, however, seeing the atomic number for tin.

    How about Tab Hunter and Connie Francis?
     
  6. daemon

    daemon Well-Known Member

    Fifty is the atomic number for tin, but for the Mukwonago's girls golf team, it also might be the atomic number for success.

    ---------------------------------

    Adam Sandler and 50 cent = trying too hard.

    Atomic number for tin = borderline clever.

    When in doubt, don't make a pop culture reference part of your lede.

    That said, it was crisply written, and it made me read to the opening quote.

    Let's not kid ourselves: we're writing about high school girls golf here. And from the looks of the scores, pretty shitty high school girls golf. Is it a lede to include in your clips? Probably not. But given the circumstances, it isn't horrible.
     
  7. spnited

    spnited Active Member

    I think maybe it should be Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello.

    And yes, I like it much better wiithout the Sandler and Fitty references.
     
  8. TyWebb

    TyWebb Well-Known Member

    I like taking out the Fitty and Sandler references, leaving it with just the tin reference. It is much tighter and gets to the point sooner. I don't feel as confused after it.
     
  9. If I read the atomic number one, I stop reading, too.

    What about something like...

    A few famous 50s: Cent, Adam Sandler's First Date, Protons (or neutrons or electrons or whatever it is) in tin, Emeka Okafor.
    What the half-century mark means to Mukwango head girls golf coach Jay Christiansen?
    Instant success.
    “Do I have five girls on a given day who can break 50?” said Christiansen of his magic number. “Yeah. They should be thinking they’re not going to be happy with their day if they don’t break 50.”
    Christiansen won't be too pleased, either.
     
  10. bkuty31

    bkuty31 Guest

    Not bad. I think it's a little confusing -- then again, I'm not much of a golf guy. I really like the creativity, though. You're on the right track, there.

    So I say...Go shawty, it's ya burffday...
     
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