Have you ever bought anything from an infomercial?

Sell It and They Will Come
by Bruce Springsteen
(unreleased song played a few dozen times during his solo acoustic tour in 1996)

Well I fell asleep on the couch last night, and I woke up with the TV on
There was a woman in tight cotton exercise shorts and a big plastic machine she was climbing on
She said "The Abacycle guarantees ten inches off your waist, you lose 50 pounds in just 3 minutes a day"
Well I went to bed knowing the revolution had been postponed and everything was ok

You can try it, you can buy it, it'll help you in bed, but don't be fooled folks, there's only one
I forget that guy's name but somebody said "Sell it and they will come, boys just sell it and they will come"

Well I switched the channels and there was Evel Kenievel, I thought that he was dead
I found myself sitting there quietly, hanging on each and every word that he said
And he said "Now folks, the Stimulator guarantees to remove all pain from your life, and the best day of your life will be when you try this little device out"
The camera moved in as he said, "Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, pain's something old Evel knows a little bit about"

You can try it, you can buy it, it'll help you in bed, but don't be fooled folks, there's only one
I forget that guy's name but somebody said "Sell it and they will come, boys just sell it and they will come"

Well a fellow comes on shouting "Free haircuts for life!", somehow you cut your hair with your vacuum cleaner
And then I switched channels and there was Dionne Warwick, communing with her psychic friends
I watched for hours, taking warmth, comfort, and pleasure in things that I despise
Touched by how much they needed me and my thirty nine ninety five

You can try it, you can buy it, it'll help you in bed, but don't be fooled folks, there's only one
I forget that guy's name but somebody said "Sell it and they will come, boys sell it and they will come"

So Dionne, Cher, and all my late-night friends, well I drink to your health
And Tony Little, America's personal trainer, please kill yourself
Now I've sold a few things myself in my time, and by the way folks, there's some t-shirts on your way outside
Well last night I dreamed of lipstick and tight little cotton shorts, "Harder, faster", she breathed, "One, two, three, four, five", ride Sally ride, girl ride Sally ride

You can try it, you can buy it, it'll help you in bed, but don't be fooled folks, there's only one
I forget that guy's name but somebody said "Sell it and they will come, boys sell it and they will come"

 

I really, really wanted one of those amazing pushbrooms they were selling a couple of years ago, 2 for $20.

I never bothered to call, though.

 

Two things ...



Here I am rocking my Flowbee.



And my name is Geek I put 'em on as a shocker. Yeah. I love ... these Blu-Blockers. Unh.

 

My grandma bought a few of those shake-'em-up flashlights that don't use batteries and gave them to us for christmas. Surprisingly, they work very well. No complaints (except for grandma getting scammed :)

 

I love your wife, and I thought I would love the Bullet. But everything I've heard and read about it -- up until now -- has been negative.

 

Two of my friends got Magic Bullets and love them. I'm cheap, so I have yet to branch out from my dull knives I currently own.

 

At my last job, I had to choose between paying for cable or the internets. I chose cable, which led to a lot of late-night TV viewing.

And I eventually caved and bought a Magic Bullet. It's OK. I really don't use it often at all. About the only thing I use it for is making the occasional smoothie.

I've also purchased a couple of "Girls Gone Wild" videos, but I was duped. They said they were "2 for $9.95," but they were actually 2 videos for $9.95 each. The bastards.

I also bought a set of the "Just Kidding" videos while I was in college. I have no excuse for that.

 

I bought a Ginsu while a bit toasted in college.
I tried the "This is outrageous. I never ordered this!" line on the postman.
Didn't work.
However, just like the infomercial, I did use it to cut beer cans in half.

 

I never have, but I do enjoy watching the live demonstrations of amazing knives at the state fair or at one of those temporary stores selling discontinued items. It's like something back from the days of traveling salesmen.

 

I was at the mall recently and there was some guy in the middle of Texas with a Mediterranean accent trying to get me to buy fake snow. It was very strange, yet fascinating because I really wanted to ask him how the hell he ended up in Texas selling fake snow at the Lubbock South Plains Mall.

 

Did you pay COD?

 

Bought the gloves which you wear to peel a potato in 10 seconds. The heat from burning the wasted $15 would have been of greater use.