Have you ever awoken from a dream laughing your a** off?

I did. Last night.

A dream I had was so ludicrous I actually woke myself up laughing at about 5 a.m. Even as I stumbled to my hotel bathroom, I kept laughing my ass off in semi-awake mode for another five minutes before I went back under.

The dream could conceivably be one of the weirdest and dumbest I've ever had. And bear in mind, I've had dreams about mythical Krakon's (at some point in my SJ days, I explained that one), getting raided by the IRS just as I was to lose my viriginity, and also, having my loss of virginity thwarted when the girl I was about to do had no sex organ and said something off-hand like, "Oh shit. I forgot. My bad."

Clearly, I had a lot of loss-of-virginity issues back in the day ... back in the day meaning last week of course.

Anyhow, in last night's dream, I had received an acting job doing re-enactments of historical events (??!???), presumably, along the lines of those shows on History Network, etc.

The historic piece I was acting out was unclear, but it presumably took place during Prohibition, because I think I was dressed like a Chicago mobster, complete with black pinstriped suit and fedora. I was to be gunned down in a park.

As the never-seen director called action, I decided to play an endless gag on my fellow actors. Instead of silently getting clipped, I mysteriously slipped into some sort of Walter Winchell meets Don Adams meets documentary newsreel voiceover from the 40s mode and decided to narrate the scene as it happened.

What fucking corner of my mind this came from is anyone's guess, including mine, but that's the premise.

So the director would yell "action" and I'd break into some insane ab-lib like, "the Thompson sub-machine gun was first used by our doughboys in W-W-1. Appropriated by the n'er do well criminal bootlegging element, one is about to be used in anger on yours truly."

Cut. Action ...

"The Thompson sub-machine gun ... brother ... if you see the wrong end of this crime stick, you'll be doing the Charleston with St. Peter at the pearly gates."

Cut. Action ...

"Dames ... be glad your dames. If you weren't dames, you might find yourself face down and bleeding in the business end of the gutter after a bathtub gin racket gone horribly wrong."

Cut. Action ...

"One of the Chicago syndicate's finest hired guns is about to put paid to yours truly with a gutful of lead. Too bad our criminal minds couldn't use the same zeal to crush the red menace and end the Bolshevik terror."

And on and on.

Remarkably, my conscious and subconsious mind had a convergence during the dream itself. My conscious mind realized how absolutely absurdist this all was. The last thing I remember before I woke up, was me and my fellow actors laughing knowingly about how stupid the whole premise was. I swear on of them said, "this is one of the dumbest dreams ever."

Then I woke up and I think one reason I was laughing is because my conscious mind agreed with my subconscious, it was definitely one of the dumbest dreams ever.

 

Bubbler,

You have a call waiting for you.

It's from a Freud. A Mr. Sigmund Freud.

Best of luck.

Kidding aside, has anything big happened in your life lately?

I had some of the weirdist dreams when I quit drinking. High school turned into one big basketball arena, college ex's came back for me, flying on a bicycle over the hills where I grew up, racing super-speed boats on the nearby lake all filtered through my brain in those early mornings.

Really weird shit happened in my mind between 5-8ish a.m. back then.

Good luck. And check with the Chicago PD to make sure they don't have a warrant for your arrest!

 

Dude, I burst out laughing three times while reading that. Bravo. That's the best.

I've never had anything like it - laughing myself awake - but have remembered several times while sleeping that I am dreaming. One of my stupidest dreams during my years of schooling was that I'd be in class, but while everyone was in a desk, I'd be laying in my bed. People would look at me funny, but I'd just tell them, "What do I care? This is a dream."

In any case, nice work.

 

I've woken up from a dream crying with my pants soaking wet today.

 

Krusty ain't just a clown on the Simpsons

 

So what would happen if we all started doing the same drugs Bubbs does?

 

I'd be happier.

 

I don't think any amount of drugs on earth can fuck anyone up worse than Bubbs. And that's why I love the bastard.

 

You might be on to something there, hammer

 

My dreams are so great, I wake up pissed off at myself because I can't be that creative in my waking life. My dreams have plots, subplots, they all tie in nicely together ... granted, they can be all kinds of messed up, but they make sense in context and feature details I only wish I could capture that color.

 

Welcome back, bubbler!
Oh, and I think it's perfectly normal for someone to dream in cable television.
Honest, I do.

 

I wish I was on drugs. That would at least explain it.

I hadn't even had a drop of beer that night, I had worked 13 hours straight churning out five stories on my media day the day before.