Hating The Holidays: The Early Edition

Yes, I know we have a month until Thanksgiving and two months until Christmas, but I am not an amused creature right now.

I found out last night that my folks want to go to see my sis-in-law & the kids three states over for Christmas, cutting into my making some extra $$$$ at a holiday tourney by about a day or so. My brother is divorcing my sis-in-law, and I am under the impression he will not be present on Christmas day (either that, or barely present -- putting in a "guest appearance"). Either way, I am expected to show family togetherness while he avoids the soon-to-be-former-Mrs.

I was told last year by my mother, when we still had Christmas gatherings at my folks' that we had them here because bro liked "coming back home for the holidays." But this year, in light of the situation, my mother is saying the only reason they stayed home at Christmas was to accomodate my covering the tourney. She did not repeat about my bro wanting to come home (If anyone here figures out the disconnect for her change of rationale, please clue me in -- I'm a little pissed at the seemingly "It's all about you"-type explanation in time of family disharmony).

Am considering telling the entire cast -- my folks, my bro, the sis-in-law and their kids: "Have a nice time. Not interested." Unfortunately, that probably won't happen, but you don't have any idea how much good it would do for my mental health to do so.

OK.....Rant and explanation over. Any ideas for salvaging or surviving or avoiding this farce would be appreciated.

 

I hated the holidays until I met my wife.

As a kid, my sister and I would be shuttled between two divorced parents who despised each other and Christmas would often be a travel day, which sucked.

Before I met my wife, I would be pressured into flying across the country to see a relative for a day or two before I flew home to usually cover a bowl game. The year I had to cover a game that required me to travel on Christmas was pure bliss because I had an out to keep me from having to pay $600 to see my sis or my mom for 36 hours.

If you don't want to go or can't afford to go, don't go. I would rather spend Christmas alone than be sitting there pissed off thinking about the credit card bill that is looming because I was pressured into doing something I didn't want to do.

Now, with a wife and two kids, I love the holidays.

 

Do what the hell you want. If that means making your family happy, fine. If that means telling them you'll see them later, fine.

I don't understand why this is a big deal if it's just you.

 

Can't speak for anybody else, but families have a way of making you feel guilty if you aren't there for major holidays. When you're single, it is just assumed that you will travel to see them because there's no way they're all coming to see you.

I actually felt very lucky that I almost always had to work on Thanksgiving because I had an out. Christmas was a different story. I would usually have three days off and would have to fly a significant distance to go home for what was usually just slightly more than a full day.

 

Haven't been home for Christmas since 1989. Nobody makes a big deal about it, especially since I can plead poverty.

 

And people wonder why I was so eager to work on the other side of the world.

 

Skip the family trip and work the tourney. Don't let them guilt you into going. When I was single, I opted out of several family holidays by volunteering to cover basketball tournaments. I was young and needed the money. And I usually had a better time watching basketball than being present at a family gathering where I didn't want to be.

 

Ahh the holidays- How I look forward to reading 21's Crossed Giblets of Gravy and BYH's annual Christmas story.

 

The last time I felt "obligated" to go to my folks' house for Christmas was in 1990, and it was the trip from hell. In previous years, they had only lived an hour or so away, so it was no big deal to spend the day with them, but that year they had moved to Texas, this was the first Christmas in their new house and they wanted the whole family there.

I had to work the night of the 23rd, so we were going to drive all night after my shift ended in order to get there on Christmas Eve. At the time, my wife was 6 months pregnant with our daughter and our boys were 4 and 6 (thus the advantage of driving thru the night).

It was about 60 degrees when we left our house, but by the time we reached Baton Rouge two hours later, it was 30 and we were driving into the worst blizzard that area has ever seen. What is usually a 7-hour drive took us about 12 hours, because of the snow and the ice on the roadway. My mom just about had a nervous breakdown, because she felt guilty for more or less insisting that we come and there was no way for us to contact them until we got off I-10 at Baytown and could get to a pay phone.

The visit itself wasn't bad, but when we got home, I told my wife that the next year, with an under-a-year-old child, that we were staying home, and it was several years before we went back for Christmas.

 

BN--Well, you could go with your family and take over the Crossed Giblets tradition.

Or, assuming you are of an adult age, you could take control of the situation and just not go. Seriously. I know it sounds painful and awful, but it really is the most adult thing you can ever do. 'Folks, I'm crushed, but I can't get away this year, I'm sorry, go ahead and have a great time, I'll be fine.' And they'll give you so much grief you'll want to go into witness protection, but guess what, they'll get over it. Eventually. Probably.

Although it sounds like your brother doesn't want to be there either, maybe he can come to your place for the holiday?

 

In the last few years, I just don't want to be around the family. There have been a lot of marriages and remarriages and it's turned into a colossal snobatorium. It's become a contest about who can buy the most ridiculously priced gifts for the spouse and kids. On the other hand, two family members are 86 and 92 years old, so the guilt factor is there. Length of travel is a legit excuse that I'll likely use and stay home with the wife and fornicate like Beagles.

 

The capital 'B' on 'Beagles' wa a nice touch.
Really classed it up.