Hard Rock Park

Hank Williams Jr. Rock Climb

 

If there's a water park, one of the attractions should be the Brian Jones Wading Pool.

 

The Kurt Cobain Experience -- Take this one-of-a-kind ride for a whirl and it will certainly blow your mind. It'll send you up the charts to dizzying heights and then whip you down to the depths of peril. The ride will spiral out of control until it slams to a screeching halt.

 

A word of warning: I might recommend avoiding the George Michaels' Mens Room.

 

The Ray Charles X-Rated Maze - Try to feel your way through a pitch-black maze with crazy twists and turns. Make a wrong turn, you fall into a pool of water. Make a right turn, you get to have sex with one of the En Vogue singers. Throughout the maze, people throw shit at you and tell you to go the wrong way to see you fall. (You must be at least four inches to enter.)


I know that was dumb, but I don't give a shit.

 

Rage Against the Machine: The Ride -- No one is really sure what this ride is all about, just that when it's over they feel like they're supposed to be pissed off at the park owners.

The Who coaster -- Be sure to run to this popular ride first. Seating is first come, first serve, and no queue line means there's sure to be a crush at the entrance.

 

The Stevie Wonder Karaoke Bar -- First you will be blindfolded and asked to go on a darkened stage. This is when the fun begins! You must first be able to tell if there are really people clapping in the audience or is it just a fake crowd track. Once you finish your last song, get off stage and put out your hand to receive your payment for the performance. You guess whether it's real money or just ordinary paper. If you guess correctly, you get to keep what it is. If you guess wrong, then well, you just did another concert for free.

 

Pictures of Kurt Cobain and Woody Harrelson everywhere ...

 

Quick story...
Several years ago, Stevie Wonder was one of the celebrities riding in the Orpheus Mardi Gras parade in New Orleans. Some of his attendants are helping him throw beads to the crowd, guiding his hands in the right direction. One of my friends is trying to catch stuff, and as Wonder's float comes down the street he starts waving and yelling frantically, "Stevie! Over here!"
We still give him shit about that.

 

You could also add Dennis Wilson's Ocean Adventure or Jeff Buckley's Lazy River.

 

Dammit! I was queueing up to make the Jeff Buckley joke.

Oh well. Eric Clapton's Son's Drop Tower.