Happy Non-Father's Day

When I got married, I immediately stepped in as dad to a three-year-old girl who I've always considered my daughter. So I've never had the kid-free marriage. And you know what? That's all right. That's what retirement is for. I'll have plenty of time later in life to slack off.

 

Speaking as a kid who was acutely aware of the "my parents are miserable now that they have kids" thing, it sucks. And I look at them now, as joyful empty-nesters, and wonder what was so wrong with my brother and I that made them so hateful and hurtful in those years.

I don't say this seeking pity. I say this so those of you who are experiencing this phenomenon don't spread the negative karma to the little ones.

 

I understand that feeling entirely. My parents weren't miserable, but my sister and I hated each other growing up, which was very negative karma.
It's one of the many reasons I don't think I'm having kids. Understand this.... I'm fine with having plenty of kids if you can pay for them.... just don't treat your vagina like a clown car, as that woman in Arkansas who had 20 kids does.
But my wife and I both travel, like our jobs and like the money we make and the travel we do for them.
It sounds selfish as hell (and probably is) but we don't want to give that up. We're happy the way we are, and have both conceded we'd be miserable with children.
So why pass that on? I totally connected with that essay. Thanks for posting.

 

Why is that selfish? As you said, you are happy the way you are. If you don't feel that you would be good parents or it wouldn't make sense, you're simply making the right decision for you.
Many people have kids for selfish reasons. They can't afford them, don't really want to parent them, etc. It makes no sense. They just "want" a kid or they "want" to be a parent.
It sounds like you are making an educated decision. These days, it's somewhat courageous for a married couple not to have children, what with all the pressure family and friends often put on others to join the club.

 

Thanks. I guess I just expected to be assailed (and maybe I will) for my views. It's not often that people make a choice like mine, but I think it's pretty intelligent. And we feel like if we realize we made a mistake, we're well enough off that we can adopt down the road.
Now if only my sister or her brother can get a bun in the oven and take some pressure off us...

 

Good for you, Big Red. I think that if you don't feel a strong call to have children there's probably a reason. I chose not to procreate and haven't regretted it yet. I think not having kids can be the unselfish thing to do.

 

True that.

Parenting is a 24/7 deal and it's hard, hard work. But those moments when something special happens with a child of yours are incredible. I wouldn't trade it for anything.