Happy Festivus!

"A Festivus for the rest of us!"

 

What a great fucking episode.

 

My friends and I celebrate Festivus every year when we meet in the hometown. This year, I'm doing things a little differently.

I bought a 6-foot Festivus Pole. I'm making "Festivus Yes!/Bagels No!" signs and putting them all over my parents' basement. I've got Human Fund cards all ready to print out for each person in attendance. And, along with every year, we're airing our grievances. But what my younger brother doesn't know, is that he's the star of the "Feats of Strength."

I cannot wait. This is honestly better than my Christmas.

 

Especially the airing of grievances!

 

Kruger, you couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe...I lost my train of thought.

 

"George, Festivus is your heritage!"

 

I find tinsel distracting.

 

I got family Christmas on Saturday. To honor Kruger, I'm bringing a fucking flask and I'm drinking out of it during dinner.

 

"How about George?"

 

You see that? No tinsel. Great find.