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Happy birthday, Flying Headbutt!!

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by BYH, Feb 11, 2009.

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  1. hockeybeat

    hockeybeat Guest

    Happy Birthday to one of the two Caps fans I know.
     
  2. Happy birthday you cockgobbler!!
     
  3. Tom Petty

    Tom Petty Guest

    happy birthday.

    the best hefe i've ever had:

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Hustle

    Hustle Guest

    Happy B-day, FHB.

    I'll see Cougar's Langway jersey and raise to Dale Hunter. :)
     
  5. playthrough

    playthrough Moderator Staff Member

    Happy B'day to the Politics moderator. Did you ever get a raise for taking that on?
     
  6. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    Does the raise in his blood pressure count?
     
  7. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    Solid, truer words were never spoken
     
  8. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Well-Known Member

    Happy Birthday to one of the best ACC fans I know. And a pretty good guy to boot. :)
     
  9. Double Down

    Double Down Well-Known Member

    [​IMG]

    Ralph Friedgen: Fellas, it has come to my attention that a lot of you out there forgot Headbutt's birthday. Now let me tell you, this is unacceptable. Frankly, I'm so disappointed, I could eat an entire wedding cake right now. And a roast pig. And maybe one of those party hoagies people bring to parties, like the New Year's Day bowl games. I would know much about that, though, because I haven't been to a New Year's Day bowl game in I don't know how long. But that's not the issue here. The issue is, Headbutt deserves butter. I mean better. Did I say butter? Speaking of butter, I'd like IV of butter right now if anyone has one.



    [​IMG]

    Gary Williams: LISTEN UP, RAPLH, I WAS OUT RECRUITING AND I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PICK HIM UP A PRESENT. THE LACK OF RESPECT I GET AROUND HERE IS BULLSHIT! I WON A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP WITH JUAN FUCKING DIXON! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO BRING THAT UP?


    [​IMG]

    Friedgen: Recruiting? Gary, I think we all know that's a lie. You were out banging sluts. Headbutt has seen you down in Dewey Beach about 10,000 times, hanging out near that lesbian bar. Now that I think about it, they have a great hot dog stand there. And they have pizza by the pound you can buy. I mean slice. You take the slice and wrap it around a hot dog and then deep fry it in gravy and cover it in nacho cheese and whipped cream. It's divine, Gary. Divine.



    [​IMG]

    Williams: FINE JABBA THE HUT, YOU CAUGHT ME, OK? YOU FUCKING CAUGHT ME. I LIKE TO BANG SLUTS AND PRETEND I'M OUT RECRUITING. I WANTED TO LAND KEVIN DURANT FOR HEADBUTT'S BIRTHDAY TWO YEARS AGO, RUDY GAY THE YEAR BEFORE THAT, AND CARMELO ANTHONY THE YEAR BEFORE THAT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT. I'D RATHER PLAY WITH GUYS LIKE DAVE NEAL. FUCK IT! YOU THINK MIKE KRYZYEWSKI COULD WIN WITH DAVE NEAL? FUCK NO. BEADY-EYED ASSHOLE. AND AS SOON AS THEY START AWARDING POINTS FOR DEGREE OF FUCKING DIFFICULTY IN THE ACC, EVERYONE IS GOING TO RECOGNIZE HOW FUCKING BAD ASS I AM. EVEN HEADBUTT.


    [​IMG]

    Friedgen: Gary, listen, you let me finish that piece of chicken and we'll figure this out together. Eric Ogbogu, don't let anyone take my seat while I get some mayonnaise to put on my chicken.



    [​IMG]

    Eric Ogbogu, Under Armour spokesman: WE MUST PROTECT THIS COUCH!



    [​IMG]

    Williams: FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK. FINE. HAVE THE CHICKEN. I GOT SWEAT ALL OVER IT ANYWAY.



    [​IMG]

    Cal Ripken: You know, my wife Kelly was supposed to pick me up so we could take him out for drinks, but she called to tell me she was going to stay home and watch Dances With Wolves instead. I thought it was a weird choice, but she is a big Civil War buff. Lot of people don't know this, but I'm not the only one in my family who is famous for a streak. Kelly has watched Field of Dreams every day for like 11 years. Sometimes I see her around the house with a smile on her face reciting lines like "People will come, Ray. They will most definitely come." And it's almost like she's in a dream land. Anyway, I'll have my fuck face brother give Headbutt a call tomorrow and see if we can make it up to him.



    [​IMG]

    Syd Thrift: I tried to buy him a fancy card, but the person at the register said they didn't accept Confederate money.



    [​IMG]

    Peter Angelos: Good! I never authorized the purchase of a birthday that fancy card anyway. Go see if Jeff Conine or Kevin Millar is selling cards. That seems like a better deal for us, and I'm not sure Headbutt is worthy of a fancy card. Now bring me a sack of kittens so I can drown them in the Inner Harbor for my entertainment.



    [​IMG]

    Joe Gibbs: Coach Friedgen, golly dag gum it, this whole thing has just made me feel like a horses patoot. What if we got Headbutt a really nice Bible and a CD of some psalms being sung by some nuns?



    [​IMG]

    Brady Anderson: Coach Gibbs, no offense, but that idea seems totally gay. Like way queer. I don't think any of us are comfortable with something so fruity. We need to give him something way more manly, like a selection of body oils and a gym membership.



    [​IMG]

    Friedgen: Did someone say something about cooking oil? Because if so, I'm in. Hell, I'll drink it through a straw.



    [​IMG]

    Chris Cooley: Alright, stop me if this sounds crazy, but what if I took a picture of my playbook to give to Headbutt ... but inadvertently also took a shot of my cock? Wouldn't he think that was hilarious?



    [​IMG]

    Brady Anderson: I love that idea.



    [​IMG]

    Jimmy Buffet: People, I'm not going to lie. I've been drunk for over two weeks, and even though I've passed out and rallied, I've sprug a few leaks. What I think Headbutt needs is the love of a good woman. And what I really mean by that is a young, single, desperate, college gal with daddy issues.



    [​IMG]

    Gary Williams: JIMMY BUFFET HAS ONCE AGAIN SHOWN HE IS NEARLY AS SMART AS I AM. NO ONE EVERY GIVES HIM THE PROPER AMOUNT OF RESPECT. THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND A GUY LIKE COACH KRYZYEWSKI, WHO PROBABLY LISTENS TO BARRY MANILOW OR SOME BULLSHIT. I NEVER GET THE PROPER AMOUNT OF RESPECT. WHAT I DO GET IS JELLO SHOTS. I LOVE THEM, AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE CAN TAKE HEADBUTT TO MAKE THIS UP TO HIM. I'LL HAVE BONNIE BERNSTEIN DRIVE US.



    [​IMG]

    Friedgen: I love jello shots. Especially the kind that have steak in the jello. Sometimes I just clean off the jello and eat the steak.



    [​IMG]

    Eric Bedard: Ouch! Fuck. I was just trying to wrap Headbutt's gift and I sprained my oblique. See you guys in six to eight weeks.



    [​IMG]

    Ripken: Crap. I just cut up my hand punching out Kevin Costner taking out the trash. I guess my streak of attending the last 28 Headbutt's birthday outings is pretty much over.



    [​IMG]

    Angelos: Nonsense. I'll just find out the name of the bar people were going to celebrate his birthday and have the people there pretend the power went out and we have to reschedule.



    [​IMG]

    Raphael Palmeiro: Good. Because I have never missed one of Headbutt's birthdays. Period.



    [​IMG]

    Maryland fans: Woo! In honor of Headbutt's birthday, we just threw water bottles at Carlos Boozer's mom! Na na na na naaaaaa naaaaa HEY! YOU SUCK!



    [​IMG]

    Alex Ovechkin: You know, friends of Headbutt, in my country, you not have birthday. Birthday have you!



    [​IMG]

    Gene Simmons: Guys, I already took care of all this. I bought Headbutt a tattoo from all of us. Check it out!


    Not my best work, brother, but for real, Happy Birthday.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  10. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    Holy fuckin shit, that was outfuckingstanding.

    The Palmiero inclusion was just fucking gold, DD. Gold.
     
  11. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    I was partial to Gary Williams sweating on the chicken.
     
  12. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    I also like how he referenced every salicious Baltimore sporting event of the last 10 years.
     
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