Guarantees?

"It is says 100 percent guaranteed, you moron!"

"Hey mister, if you don't shut up I am going to kick 100 percent of your ass."

 

"Hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!"

 

I'm moving about 800 miles for a job later this summer. The paper's editors laid out various reasons why they believe it's financially stable and isn't likely to have layoffs any time soon. They offered me $3,000 moving expenses and had me agree to pay it back if I were to leave before two years. Needless to say, there was no guarantee that my job will be there for that long. I'm taking a gamble. But it's a good gig and if I don't take it, I know there would be people lined up behind me to take it.

 

Dan, it never hurts to ask. If they get huffy and assholish about it, you've got your answer as to why you want to work there in the first place.

Wahoo's bosses did you one better, with the two-year guarantee.

 

Any guarantee obtained must be in writing.

 

If you get the exemption, it should only mean you MIGHT stay while someone with more seniority gets fired. But it can't be a guarantee, because, hey, the more senior guys just may be more valuable than you, and the paper may WANT to keep them (as opposed to being forced to keep them).

 

Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting.
Ted: I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's how I see it. A guy puts a guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter.
Ted: What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy, but we're not buying it. Next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
Ted: But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?
Tommy: Because they know all they solda ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me.
Ted: Hmm. Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well I... What?

 

Dealing with that now. Had a couple of interviews that went well. If an offer is made, I'm not entirely sure if I could --- or should --- shoulder the entire burden of moving thousands of miles for the job. The jobs are OK, not great. And my passion to even have a job is OK, not great. I've been burned my this before and seen others burned even worse.

Three times since Christmas I was on the verge of landing something and was basically packed and ready to move, only to be told the position had been put on hold indefinitely. Now, I wonder what would have happened if I accepted the job, moved and then been told that a week later.

So I'm leaning toward requesting either (1) some sort of relocation expense and/or (2) some sort of longevity guarantee before packing up and moving. To move someplace and get laid off a month later is actually worse than never having been hired in the first place.

 

Ummm...thinking you read that wrong.

 

Nicely done.

Marvelously done.

 

how so? although the $3k for moving is good, they offered no guarantee they'd keep him.

 

$3,000 for moving expenses? That's the largest relocation package I've ever heard of. Holy cow!