Great pranks

I know I've mentioned this before but here are my two greatest.
1, Sending my boss a box of shit for Christmas.
2, Wiping dogshit on the car handle of a miserable asshhole. I smeared it under the handle so they had to put their hand on it.

 

How long did it take you to get it off your handle?


[size=6pt]2-1 count here's the pitch... belt-high fastball.... it's deep... "

 

I'm going to assume that you are trying to be a wiseass. Read the post. I said these were pranks that I did.

 

I know.


[size=6pt]1-0 the score and the next batter steps into the box. first pitch... curveball stays up.... wow! Tomlinson needed a Visa to catch that one...

 

slap a wiseass?

The hell you say.

 

I didn't say it was right .... just a good prank.

 

My father in New Jersey sends me an article about a group which wanted to put Reagan on Mount Rushmore along with some sarcastic comments. I'm in California.

I get a guy in my office to call him up and ask for a contribution, and my friend lays it on. My father hangs up the phone.

A minute later, I call him back and say why are you so cheap and unpatriotic. He laughed pretty hard and told everybody about it for a month.

Caller ID has made it so much harder to pull phone pranks.

 

OK, time for my best prank... sit down, grab a beer or Jack and rocks and have a seat...

In another lifetime, I drank at a bar every night. Yes, I know. You're surprised. Two brothers owned a bar and we used to sit around after close till wee hours of the morning solving the world problems.

One night, the younger brother told a story of his older, lazier brother. The telephone in the back office went out, the handset was shot. And instead of actually buying a new phone, lazy brother brought the phone handset to Meijer in the hopes of buying a new one. To his chagrin (and legitimate surprise) he found the store didn't sell handsets. Instead of buying a new phone for 15 bucks, lazy brother found a handset that looked similar to the old one and swapped it out, sticking the new one under the coat and leaving the old one.

He got back to the bar and found -- surprise -- it didn't fit and he had to go to another store and buy a new one anyway. While explaining the story at work that night, he was boasting how he got away with it. One of the bartenders asked "Did you forget bout the survellance cameras?" Lazy brother dropped a load and shit his pants. He called his dad in a panic, who also told his brother.

Of course, the bartender told the other brother, who tuned to me and said "Alright motherfucker. If you ever want another free drink in here again, you'll get my fat ass brother to give it to you in a brown paper bag without him knowing."

Well, 3 a.m. became 4 a.m., which begat 5. I had a plan. So I called him at 10 a.m., spoke in a low, deep drawl (easy to do; after a night of hard drinking, my voice has the tonal qualities of Barry White) ad asked for the brother.

"May I speak to Lazy Brother, please? This is Detective Johnnie Walker of the Pittsfield Township Police Department."

"Yes sir, this is he."

"Hey, how are you? Aren't you Blue's son? (yes) I know your dad. How's he doing?

"The real reason I'm calling... and I'm sure it's nothing... is were you at the Meijer's store on Carpenter Road about 2 p.m. Yesterday? You were? Well sir, could you tell me the nature of the business."

"Well, I was there to buy a phone."

"And did you?"

"No sir, I didn't. I didn't see one I could use." (I can hear him sweat over the phone)

"Well sir, funny thing. The store called and had a videotape of someone taking a telephone yesterday. When I saw it, I thought it might be you. What do you think I should do about that?"

"I'm 43 years old and not about to start a life of crime" (And aside at this point. The day shift waitstaff notices him shaking and turning pale. And has no idea what's going on. Also, one of the night bartenders comes in for a cup of coffee, sits at tyhe end of the bar to read the paper and hears everything on the phone.)

"That's good. You're Blue's boy and all. I'll tell you what. You've still got lunch specials, right? (Yes sir, best around). How about I come in for lunch, you put the phone in a brown paper bag and I'll take it back to the store. Is that OK?"

"OH YES SIR, THAT WOULD BE GREAT." (OK< see you in a half hour.)

So lazy brother walks to the back, pulls out a bag and puts the phone in it. But he grabs a plastic bag, realizes it, stops and digs up a brown paper bag -- and it's all the night bartender can do not to burst out laughing. Lazy brother tries to act like nothing happens and can't function. Just shakes and sweats. So he goes in the back to call his dad, telling him "Dad, I stole a phone, but it's OK because the detective knows you and I'm going to get off"

At the same time, the day bartender looks her night counterpart in the eye and said "What the hell are you guys doing to him?" Day bartender explains. At the same time, lazy one gets off the phone; dad calls the other son and said "What the hell are you doing to him?"

Lazy brother goes back out front to work. Two minutes later a guy in a suit in his 50s walks in a looks around... slowly he meanders to the bar and says "I'm here for my to-go order." Lazy brother starts to pull the phone out from under the counter, pauses and askes what he ordered. When he answered a real food order and not the phone, he became a puddle of nervousness. He literally couldn't function.

Finally the day bartender told him, "Lazy, quit worrying. There is no Detective Johnnie Walker. It was Slappy and you have been HAD! 15 people in on the joke howled... two minutes later I walked through the door to hear "YOU MOTHERFUCKER! YOU WILL NEVER GET ANOTHER DRINK HERE EVER!"

My response, "Can I have my phone first?"

 

Too long. A good prank is short sweet and simple and the reaction is spontaneous.

 

Yes, you are right. It lacks the quick hit of putting shit in my own hand.

 

If the shit's just there on your dick, though, it does make the prank easier.

A guy like you, slap, you'd have to go looking for shit like a little momma's boy.

 

Depends on the momma