Great lede/good lede/average lede/poor lede, Part 1

68% is way more effective. Spelling it out is dumb.

 

I think it would have been more powerful to cut the weird comparisons and begin with:

"The curveball of Astros pitcher Lance McCullers can be found at the intersection of violence and wonder."

...Although passive voice drives me nuts in a lede, so it would have been even better if Verducci had written....

"Lance McCullers' curveball lies at the intersection of violence and wonder."

I like that a lot.

 

Even as the ball leaves his hand, even before it completes its 55-foot thrill ride, the last 10 of which are a stomach-turning, Coney Island drop, even before the doomed batter swings at where the demon used to be—McCullers knows how it will end.


I would've cut the opening paragraph, pushed the above paragraph (the last one originally) to the very top, and paraphrased the last quote "fading toward the dugout" to make it a proper lede-closer. But I thought the lede overall was very good, albeit a little wordy.

 

TGO157 - That's a perfect lede! Excellent solution!

 

Agree. I voted good. I think it was a bit overkill. There were some very good descriptors and sights, but seemed like it should have been 4 graphs instead of 6 and I think TGO hit the nail on the head with his assessment.

 

1. This is a terrific thread.
2. I'm in agreement that the second graf should have been the first one, which felt a tad overwritten.

 

When we say "detail," we really mean "reporting." Readers crave reporting. I agree with those who say the second paragraph is a better opening. What's the problem with the first paragraph?

It could have been written from home, without even going to a game or practice. "Terrifyingly beautiful, like summer thunderstorms and whitewater rapids, the curveball of Astros pitcher Lance McCullers can be found at the intersection of violence and wonder. It is a demon he unleashes on hitters, especially with two strikes, when he throws it 68% of the time."

But this takes reporting, not reporting of the "get a quote" kind, but observation. It takes being there. "He takes the nail of his right index finger and places it into the seam of the baseball where it curves around the MLB logo. He places his middle finger directly over the long seam. He places his thumb on the bottom of the ball, over another seam."

 

Love the last paragraph. Make it the first paragraph. Some portions "intersection of ...." are overwritten. But use of detail -- keep in mind the middle finger as a fitting detail -- is good.

 

Since no one can throw a baseball that stays in the air for 60 seconds, I hate the reference to 2,850 revolutions per minute.

Would I read further than these grafs? Very unlikely.