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Great bar quotes, Vol. III

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by MU_was_not_so_hard, Sep 3, 2007.

  1. MU_was_not_so_hard

    MU_was_not_so_hard Active Member

    New locale, same great bar patrons delving out knowledge.
    Very drunk guy approaches my wife and her friend last night while I'm getting another round. Thinking two girls are sitting there and thinking he's hit the jackpot, turns to my wife.
    "Baby, you're tasty from your head to your toe."
  2. Jeremy Goodwin

    Jeremy Goodwin Active Member

    Don't have a quote, but what was your response? How did the guy react when you joined the table?
  3. Was his follow-up quote, "Ow!"?
  4. MU_was_not_so_hard

    MU_was_not_so_hard Active Member

    I didn't say much. I stayed at the bar (with a watchful eye) and tried to get my wife to have him buy me another beer.
    Milk it for all it's worth, I've always said.
  5. Just got back from spending a few days with Slayer. The final show took place in Satan Tonio and I ventured out into the house to spend time with the great unwashed. At one point I went to the public restroom [which I could see as opposed to walking halfway across creation to get to the one backstage]. There was this lengthy sort of hallway that led to the men's room. On one side was the cinder block exterior of the men's room. The other side was lined with a fence. Some guy decided that it was a waste to wait in line and whipped it out and started whizzing on the fence.

    LSS: Do you know the difference between your mother and that fence?
    Whizzing guy: No. What?
    LSS: The fence doesn't pay me twenty bucks to piss on it.

    Somewhere R. Kelly is smiling.
  6. MU_was_not_so_hard

    MU_was_not_so_hard Active Member

  7. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I was tending bar once and a guy I never saw before walks in and grabs the paper that always sat on the bar. He intently looks at a certain section and puts the paper down.

    I ask him if he found what he was looking for.

    "Nope. My ex-wife isn't dead or in jail."

    He was looking at the obits.
  8. JoelHammond

    JoelHammond Member

    Random Bar Guy speaks the truth.
  9. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    One of my buddies from HS manages a bar in our hometown.

    A quote from his facebook page:

    What can I get you?

    Morgan Coke.

    No problem, you want a single or a double?

    Strong single.

  10. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Is a strong single when the balls to the wall but you still can't make it to second base?
  11. Chef

    Chef Active Member

    Old friend of mine actually used this once, and took the girl home. Both were EXTREMELY intoxicated at the time.

    "Baby......I like the way you look......but I would like you better with my cock in your mouth."

    30 minutes and 3 drinks later, they were gone.
  12. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    Apparently, it's the magical concoction that earns you a quarter tip...
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