Great bar quotes, Vol. II

Went to see a member of Bad Company tonight (it was free). Mainly, second lead singer for the band started his own band. Show pretty much sucked, but it did elude to another of the famous MU_was_not_so_hard bar quotes (look up the previous one, sports fans).

From another member of the MU drinking society comes this gem...

"Oh, here comes the drum solo. It's like an orgasm. You know it's coming, but you can't do anything to stop it."

I can't make this shit up.

 

A friend of mine once tried to pick up a girl who was so far out of his league, but holy crap it was funny:

Friend: "Hey, how'd you like to come back to my place for a pizza and a fuck?"

Girl: *tries to dismiss him with an "as if" look*

Friend: "Whatsa matter? You don't like pizza?"

Fun times, I tell you.

 

Thank god my fiancee loves pizza [her words; not mine]

 

I'll definitely have to use that one when I know there's no hope of my late-30-ish ass landing some nubile college hottie. Should be good for a laugh from both parties.

 

I bellied up to the bar at this reaeaaalllly redneck joint that was next to our paper one night after putting the Saturday morning issue to bed.

This ugly chick sits down next to me and begins to make small talk while we drink our beers.

We'll fast-forward to the good part:

Me: "So, what do you do for a living?"

Redneck chick who, it's now obvious to me, has about three teeth: "I'm a roofer."

Me: "See you later."