GOP Response Ad to Run On Game 4 of the WS

Yes, I'm the pea-brained zygote ... because I'm the one awarding equal relevancy to Kurt Warner and a Parkinson's-stricken actor in dueling stem cell commercials.

I know if there's one guy I'm gonna listen to when making life-or-death decisions, it's Kurt Warner. He really knows his stem cell facts. :

 

I think Fox's agenda is saving himself and others who suffer like him a lifetime of misery and suffering.

I ain't no zygote. I'm with you, Lyman.

What a self-centered, cynical asshole Fox is!

 

What's really scary is that hip GOP hucksters are willing to throw big bucks on the table based on
the premise that this collection of yahoos will meaningfully influence Missourians.

 

Well, if he thinks this is the way to do it, he's misguided.

But I forgot, he's got the Cindy Sheehan-like halo around his head, so ...

 

Unless Kurt, Jesus snuff film guy, Ms. Heaton, et al have family suffering from diseases (or have the diseases themselves) that could be helped by this research, there is a massive difference between them and Fox.

Course all the other women in my family suffer from auto-immune disorders and might be helped down the road by this research, so I'll admit my bias.

 

Yeah, this is all wrong for him. The dumbass, trying to get people elected who will push for this research. WTF is he thinking?

 

No, no, no ... don't backpedal, Lyman. Don't back down one iota! Stay strong brother! I've got your back 100 percent!

I mean, fuck all these gold-bricking disease-sufferers who want to affect change in their lives and others' via changing government policy by electing leaders who support their cause, and by gaining testimonials of famous people directly influenced by such policy.

How dare they? What the fuck on God's green earth made them display such brazen temerity?

And Michael J. Fox? You sir, you're the worst. Listen Parkinson's Boy, Lyman and I see right through the shaking and quivering. There's a smoky room behind those spasms, and it's got a donkey's ass in it. I mean, why does Michael J. Fox desire stem-cell research? Dude made some serious coin on Secret Of My Success, he can fund his own damn research if he cared that much.

This is just a ploy to get more tax-and-spend, soft-on-terrorists, Hollywood-loving, blow job-ing liberals back in power.

Your loss of motor function doesn't fool me and Lyman, Mr. Fox.

Or should I say, Monsieur Fox? He's freaking Canadian! That should automatically eliminate him from any stem-cell discussion.

You dumb-ass disease sufferers and families who love them, how could you get taken by this stem-cell smoke screen? The only hope for you comes with faith and praying, not utilizing the brains God gave us to find scientific cures.

You sick people make Lyman and I sick!

That's how you tell it, Lyman. C'mon, join my chorus, I know you're with me.

 

Oh. Lyman left.

I guess my zeal for our common cause made him want me to take the wheel for a while.

 

Surprise! We've found another asshole right here at SportsJournalists.com. Nice job, Bubbles. Too bad you can't get back the half-hour of your life it took to post that drivel.

 

Who the fuck is Patricia Heaton? Is that the mom from the Tim Allen show? Which third-tier celebrities were the backups on this team?

 

I thought she was from Raymond. She was definitely one of those TV show comedy wives.

 

All those moms are the same to me. None of them are funny, none of them are smart, none of them you'd want to fuck. All of them have the Irritating Dial ratcheted up to about 11. Where have you gone, Elise Keaton?