Good way to bring up bullying or does this TV anchor make a story about them?

PCLoadletter hits on some of my feelings.

I got a letter once criticizing how I said the word "elsewhere." He said I pronounced it "eltswhere" and brutally railed that somebody like me would get paid for speaking. I once got a letter from someone who'd seen me on the sidelines at a football game in early fall not wearing socks. The letter called me an 'idiot' for being out in the cold without socks and included a pair of men's socks. I could go on..... I got some hate e-mails that I responded to with niceness... "Thanks for e-mailing with your concerns. I understand why you'd feel that way. Let me explain... " ... And almost every time, the e-mailer was completely disarmed and we continued a fruitful exchange... on a few occasions the person even apologized for the initial e-mail. That may have been the best way to proceed here. I don't agree with the way she handled it because I truly don't believe "we are the story"... but I understand why she did it.

Like PC said, I'm sure this particular e-mail was the straw that broke the camel's back.

At its core, this issue is why I got out of the on-air business. After anchoring and reporting all year, I'd see my parents and in-laws at Christmas. We'd turn on the TV, and I'd watch all of them systematically pick apart every on-air person. "I hate her." "He's terrible." "Her voice annoys the shit out of me." It became the favorite sport at the holidays. I'd just sit there stunned thinking that in other living rooms, this is what people were doing to me. And my parents and in-laws are GOOD PEOPLE.

The Wisconsin anchor's sentiment that "you don't know me" is what I've felt many times.

Her issue might be her weight. Mine was paranoia over people thinking I was too old to do this. My plan all along was to stop in my mid 30s, have kids, then jump into something else because I never wanted people picking me apart for the sin of getting older. And I refuse to have "work done." That's just not me.

FWIW, the single best broadcast journalist I ever worked with-- a total master at breaking news-- a phenomenal interviewer-- a great 'reader' of the news, with the proper emphasis for any given situation... the most amazing 'transitioner'... someone who worked really hard to understand the issues...

... was overweight and eventually got fired.

 

I love the 'talk to me about the stories I cover' line in the Gawker piece. If she's a morning anchor, she's not covering anything as much as reading them.
This isn't bullying. The letter was actually fairly nice. Are we just at a point where we can't tell people these things? I have a lot of people telling me saying I need to exercise. Really? Couldn't tell by the fact I can't buy pants in stores anymore.
If this guy called her names or taunted her, it'd be one thing, but what he said was true. Sometimes the truth hurts.
This woman needs to get off the cross.

 

I appreciate some of the thoughtful responses on the smoking distinction. I understand the comparison isn't precisely one-to-one, but I think it's at least useful. Both are public health crises. But while there are few mixed message about smoking - partially because it has the added detriment of making others uncomfortable at best and sick at worst - obesity, like DD points out, exists in a weird sort of sociological limbo right now. On one hand, it's an epidemic. On the other, we're bombarded in Oscar season with testimonials about how "beautiful" the "Precious" actress is. On one hand, New York is regulating the size of sodas. On the other, the nation is rallying around an obese news anchor. I think the emailer could have been more civil - or kept his mouth shut entirely. On the other hand, he didn't seem overly mean. He actually tried to frame it in the context of health rather than mocking her appearance.

Obviously, however, appearance is so closely tied into this that it really complicates the discussion.

 

Here's the rub, Dick. You are absolutely correct in your assessment of his presentation of the comment. It was done in a nice way that gave it a lot more context than just coming out and saying, "You're fat, lose some damn weight." But this is just a microcosm of a bigger problem that goes well off the topic being discussed here, and what she had every right to come back with, albeit a lot less eloquently than his email, yet no less important. "Hey Mr. Lawyer, no one asked you."

We tend to think because we have so many ways to get our message across these days that, we just have to say it, or type it, or record it. It's a pretty safe assessment that if she spent 5 minutes looking into this guys life, she could find a vice of his that could be detrimental to someone who looks up to him as a pillar of the community.

If he has a problem with her appearance, then watch another network. No need to "fill her in" on the fact that she is overweight. It comes off as a bit self-important. He thinks he is speaking for the masses, but if the masses wanted to speak out, they are perfectly capable of doing so on their own.

 

You make some good points here, but I don't think this is a case of him simply being disgusted by her appearance. It's bigger than that. He thinks she sets a poor example for the community as a whole. He thinks, because of her prominent position, she has a responsibility that she has shirked. I don't know if he's right or not, but I don't think it's as simple as, "If you don't like it, turn the channel." That doesn't solve his issue with her, because it's not really about him personally.

 

A non-journalist's (obviously personal) take on this:

Apparently, this woman DOES exercise and isn't necessarily unhealthy. Hell, I'm overweight and possibly obese by some people's standards but I can ride 120 kms my bike before lunch. That man doesn't know her any more than the man that called me hurtful names based on my appearance knows me so yes, he WAS overly mean in that he had no business judging this woman he doesn't know.

Sure, a lot of people are overweight because they make poor choices. But there are many, many people who don't fit those stereotypes. I can tell you that the reaction among people I know, particularly women, has been very positive. The decision to take this public wasn't hers initially but she's made this a teachable moment and I applaud her.

 

I should have fleshed that out further. He may have a problem with obesity overall, no matter who it is. But he has a problem with her, specifically, because she is in the public spotlight . . . at least in the viewing area for her station.

I guess by saying if he has a problem with her, then just "change the channel", I meant that numbers don't lie. If her weight is such a problem, as it clearly is in his eyes, then many people will agree with him, enough to make a dent in the stations ratings forcing them to make a change.

You can solve this problem he has in one of two ways. Get her to lose weight and stay on the air, or get her off the air.

My issue with his self-importance then kicks in. Maybe, just maybe, this thing you have such a problem with just isn't that big of a problem. Sending an email that you know is going to cause, at the very least, some hurt feelings for a person you don't even know personally, isn't necessary.

 

This might be my e-mail response to the person who sent the e-mail:

First of all thank you so much for watching WXYZ and for taking the time to voice your concern. I am overweight. It's something I've battled my entire life. I remain committed to a healthy lifestyle, and I try to "fight the good fight" everyday. But I agree with you about setting a good example, and I can always do better. However, I was determined not to let this obstacle stop me from my dream of becoming a broadcast journalist, and thankfully management at WXYZ has been very supportive. Again, I hear you, I really appreciate your concern and hope you'll continue to watch!

 

Some really good insight and points of view on this thread.

I have received some vicious e-mails, phone messages, letters, packages in the mail and taunts from the stands or the parking lot outside the stadium, and I feel for this woman, but ... bullying? I didn't make that connection at the beginning of the thread, and I don't now.

There are many ways to analyze this, but I fail to see this as an example of bullying or a cue to take a public stand against bullying. Take a stand against ... whatever you want to call it, but don't call it bullying, because it isn't -- and it draws attention away from real bullying and cheapens its definition and place in the collective consciousness.

 

Great point. "Bullying" is a term that's getting waaaaay overused.

 

I can understand how she says it's bullying in the sense that this probably isn't the first time she's been called fat by a viewer. In that sense, the collective viewers calling her fat are bullies. However, this particular writer is more d-bag than bully, because (I assume) he only wrote the one letter, and in my mind, bullying is systematic and regularly occuring, but being a d-bag can be framed as a one-off event.

So if she wants to rail against the bullying she's faced by people for being fat, and use this letter as Exhibit A, I get it. I just feel like she failed to make that distinction, and instead comes off as whiny, insecure and thin-skinned for making such a big deal about what was honestly a pretty tame letter.

But then again, maybe the message being fairly tame and presenting itself in the lens of "You're a public figure and pillar in the community - you should present yourself better" probably stung her, because she A) realizes that it is true, and B) can't dismiss it as some asshole being an asshole and saying something so ridiculously mean as to be ignored. What I mean by that is, it's easier to ignore a message that says "Hey fat ass, put down the box of twinkies and get on the treadmill you disgusting fatass" and chalk it up to someone being a d-bag, than it is to ignore someone who presents cogent points and frames it as if they're trying to help (whether they really are or not is another discussion, and in this case, I believe he wasn't).

So my problems, in summary, are that she mis-uses the word 'bully' when really this guy, on the basis of one letter, is not. He's a d-bag, but not a bully. Then she comes off as whiny and thin-skinned because she doesn't frame the situation properly during her segment. And in doing this 4-minute segment, she makes herself the story, and I feel like journalists shouldn't do that. If she wanted to rail against bullying fat people, it wouldn't have been difficult to find a fat person and focus the story on him/her.