good NYT piece on the death of great nicknames

1. Nicknames in general have declined because there's been a societal trend away from addressing people as "Shorty," "Stubby," "One Eye" or "Whitey."

2. There's always been a divide between nicknames that are actually used and stupid cornball nicknames that were made up by sportswriters of the day. I'll bet no teammate ever saw Ted Williams and said, "Hey, how's it hanging, Splendid Splinter."

Jim Maloney, who pitched for the Cincinnati Reds in the '60s, was known to teammates as "Tits" or "Titser" because he had a weird protusion from his chest. That never made it onto the broadcasts. I remember a guy who teammates called "Sir Cheesely" because of the pungency of his frequent flatulence.

An ancient hockey writer told me when the Toronto Maple Leafs had a goaltending tandem of Doug Favell (a notorious skirt chaser) and Dunc Wilson (a notorious barfly), they were known internally as "C*ntly and Drinkly."

 

I hate the lazy first-initial-of-first-name/first-syllable-of-last-name combo.

Arnold Holstein doesn't like it, either.

 

Not that I'm into injuries, but I think we could use a few more Stubbys and Three-Fingers.

Some nicknames are from place and not because of a childhood accident or impediment or what have you.

Too bad we don't get more colorful nicknames like this: Temple's Bill Mlkvy, The Owl without a Vowel.

 

Short team nicknames do help headline counts, especially when working all summer in Arizona ... although it's not recommended for the University of South Carolina.

As for it morphing into player nicknames: During the Australian Open once, was given a page to proof with the hed "A-Rod advances to second round," meaning Andy Roddick. Spent a good five minutes that I'll never get back trying to tell the designer readers will wonder what Alex Rodriguez was doing in Australia, but having other tasks, finally let it go. The editor had a talk with the designer the next day.

 

Athletes' regular names are like nicknames now. "He Hate Me" or "Knowshon" or "God's Gift" or "Prince."

 

Even Kung Fu Panda is kinda lame. Used to be guys built like Sandoval got hung with a nickname like "Groceries".

 

Actually, if you buck too hard for a nickname, you end up like Nickname Damur.

 

"Kung Fu Panda" jumped the shark when Mark Grace used it about 30 times on a national broadcast that year.

Carlos' Ruiz's "Chucha" (Colombian slang for body odor/stinky pits) is the best of a small current crop.

Ever been in a clubhouse where it's almost like everyone has to have a nickname? Even the dourest, gloomiest, most personality-deficient clod on the team? Hey, I know what we'll do -- we'll just add a -y on the end for that guy. Now even he has a nickname.