Golf for the rank beginner

A lot of public courses up here make you pick up and take a ten on a hole if you're trying to get down in fifteen and you're still a hundred yards from the green.

 

I encourage you to take lessons but also check out golflink.com. They'll email you good lessons and tips.

 

I miss having golf in my life. For four or so years I played four times a week, sometimes more and would shoot low 90s-maybe an 88 here and ther- and have fun.
Ever since moving to Colorado two years ago, I've picked up a club once and played just once. The first eight or holes was so atrange. It was like I never played the game before. I knew what I was doing wrong but it took the front nine for me to get a hint of how I used to play back.
Needless to say it wasn't pretty. I believe I shot a 55 on the front and earned a 40 on the back.

I need to get back into it this season.

 

Taking up golf (never even picked up a club) was on my grand list of "2009 Things to Do" that I wrote up and then three away three days later when the pregnancy test turned positive.

 

I can't emphasize the whole "keep up your pace on the course" mantra enough. I'm a bad golfer. I break 100 once a year. But you can damn well better believe that as long as I'm not being held up by the group in front of me, I'm going to get around the course 3 1/2 hours.

I admit, I'm not the most patient person to begin with, but nothing is as infuriating as watching:

- The guy who keeps taking practice swings before every shot until he gets one that doesn't take a 3-inch divot out of the fairway. Hint: If it takes you nine swings to get it right, there is no chance in hell you're going to do it right a second time in a row once you finally address the ball. Take a swing or two to get the feel of the club, and then hit the damn ball. You're not playing the back nine at Augusta on Sunday afternoon here.

- The guy who feels every shot that lands in the rough is an excuse to go looking for balls at the edge of the woods. It's bad enough when people take forever searching for their own ball, but when you start treating a walk up the fairway like an Easter egg hunt, you're a d-bag.

Too many golfers think not being good is an excuse for taking all damn day to play. Pace of play and quality of play are two distinctly different subjects. You can be a total hack and not hold up everybody playing behind you. A round of golf should never take 5 1/2 hours to complete.

 

Bingo. We have a winner.

I pretty much gave up golf around here because of the 5-6 hour rounds.

When we were teenagers, my buddy and I routinely played 36 holes. Off at 8:00 a.m., finish by 11:30 or so. Have lunch, second round over by 4:30.

And this was a 6500 yard course and we walked and carried. No carts of any kind.

 

Especially if you can do that "See the ball ... Be the ball" thing.

 

Depends on the club you're going to. Country clubs and upscale places will frown on that. Public courses is free game.

Also, on behalf of my father, mother and every other golf course superintendent in the world, replace your divots and fix your ballmarks on the greens. It will keep the course looking nice for years (less damage to the grass) and makes the people who make it green happy.

 

It's NEVER OK to wear jeans or cut-offs on a golf course.

 

Second verse.

Go back to the same place today. This time I get a 3 wood and a 5 iron. Attempt to switch to the iron after a half-dozen balls and realize it's for a lefty. Fortunately, someone had deserted a 9 iron nearby, so I grabbed that instead.

Midway through the bucket, it has become apparent what the strength of my game is. I can make some world class divots, both while making solid contact and missing entirely. I'm on a patch of dirt with precious little grass as is, but the ownership now has a field suitable for planting cotton if they don't mind getting a late start on the crop. I have been the yard with an actual shovel before and turned over less dirt. Alas, I don't seem to be making much progress on moving the little white balls down the course.

At that point, the owner comes out, introduces himself, and offers a quick freebie lesson, possibly to keep me from going Agent Orange on what remains of his tee boxes. Just little things like putting my right hand on the bottom of the club, since I'm right-handed and all, and trying to turn my body as I swing instead having my arms do all the work. Just like it says in the title, we're talking rank beginner here. I didn't necessarily do a lot better after that (not unexpected), but I did make decent contact with the iron on two shots that at least had respectable trajectories.

 

I feel the same about "mulligans" - never ok on the golf course. Every stroke counts. Mulligans become like crack to bad golfers. Just keep it simple - don't accept them. Once you do you will want another and another and find a way to rationalize that its ok. Take a mulligan on a par 3 and knock it in the cup - its not a hole n one - its a three.