Going to confession today. Any ideas?

You're all very funny - and going to hell!!!

Seriously, though, as I look over the big 10 rules, you learn that there is more than their literal meaning. For example, "Thou shalt not kill." Pretty straight forward. I haven't killed anyone.

But along with murder here's what else that commandment really encompasses (according to http://www.ewtn.com/library/Prayer/examconscience.HTM):

"Have I endangered the lives of others by reckless driving or by driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol? Do I show contempt for my body by neglecting to take care of my own health? Have I been mean or unjust to anyone? Have I held a grudge or sought revenge against someone who wronged me? Do I point out others’ faults and mistakes while ignoring my own? Do I complain more than I compliment? Am I ungrateful for what other people do for me? Do I tear people down rather than encourage them?"


Hmmmm, yes, yes, yes, yes...

 

what he said.

but if you must, probably best to tell the truth.

 

I regret trifling with married women, I'm thoroughly ashamed at cheating at cards, I deplore my occasional departures from the truth, Forgive me for taking your name in vain, my Saturday drunkenness, my Sunday Sloth. Above all, forgive me for the men I've killed in anger, and those I am about to...

 

Slappy sounds like a lousy Catholic but a fun guy to pal around with.

 

So nothing about hiring a contract killer? Whew!

 

I won the answer in a card game with this guy

 

"Bless me Father for I have sinned, I haven't been to confessioin since I was in 4th grade.
Now, if you want to listen to everything I've done since then, we could be here for a few hours. Or, we could just skip the gory details, admit that I've done a bunch of bad things that I'm sorry for, and get right to the penance and absolution part.
Amen."

 

Ya know, I would love to be able to get away with that. I dont think my parish priest would find the humor in it...

 

I think you try to make the priest vomit. And that's pretty hard. Play THE ARISTOCRATS angle of confession. Make the guy crap his sacred garments.

Just as it's impossible for a convicted killer to serve out a 938-year term, go for the craziest kind of penance the priest can lay down on you. That's what I'd do.

 

I think westie is onto something here.

A good start would be,

"Priests can't rat you out to the cops, right? We had to leave that Protestant church because of a mouthy choir director. May he rest in peace and all that."

 

You know what they say about Catholic reporters: They're good at what they do because they're used to questioning authority and the guilt they feel compels them to work long hours.

 

I'm not religious, but I was raised Catholic.
If you've got to go, take the confessional. That face-to-face confession is bullsh@t.