Given free rein, how would you respond?

A note from a reader, names changed to protect the not-so innocent:

I was wondering what a swimmer has to do in order to make the front page of the sports section? Jimmy Butterfly sets two Conference meet records, and the best that the Podunk Times can do is the thrid page of the sports section! I wonder what kind of attention would get paid to any other sport if a Podunk prep were to set a conference record? I would really like to see more equity given, especially to an athlete that not only excells in the pool but also is a model student.

(FWIW, front stories that day were intrastate DI college hoops game, intraregional DI college hoops preview, weekly Sunday showcase feature and city vs. area boys basketball game.)

No repercussions whatsoever for response. If you could speak from the heart, how would you respond?
I open the floor ...

 

Dear swimming parent,
No one cares about your sport. Quit yer whinin. It's fucking swimming in Wisconsin.

 

Kid swims. Give him a ball and tell him to break record.

Either that or move to Australia. Maybe he'll get on the front page there.

 

No repercussions?

I'd go with, "Go fuck yourself."

 

Is the conference record actually worth a shit -- meaning is the time any good, or did the kid break a shitty record?

Plus, it is high school swimming. D-I caliber swimmers are much more involved with their club teams.

A cover feature during the season -- assuming there's a story worth writing -- is fine, but swimming coverage belongs inside unless your town is hosting a big (section or state) meet.

 

That complaint is rather tame, if you ask me.

 

This is off topic, but Cosmo, I LOVE your sig. That thing rawks.

The complaint's not all that terrible. She at least acknowledged that the kid got some coverage.

It's not a "fuck off" worthy complaint. Maybe, "Well he shoulda broke the record on a slower news day."

 

don't sweat it. sounds like a good lead note to a prep notebook or a feature.

 

I'm not applying for a gun permit to go parent hunting here. I just thought this was an opportunity to see SportsJournalists.com's creative/sarcastic side, a la eagleboy's response.

Sorry for not being more clear. Carry on.

 

We had similar complaints from swimming parents not that long ago.

My real response: I apologize if you feel swimming is not getting adequate coverage in our newspaper. It certainly was not our intent to slight these fine student-athletes, but we have to make editorial decisions every day and many are going to leave someone feeling slighted. I assure you we will continue to strive every day to give the best possible coverage to all sports.

The response in my head not suitable for a conversation with a reader: Swimming? Are you kidding me? Swimming? Don't talk to me about swimming. Who in the hell cares about swimming? No one. You want swimming to receive equal coverage to basketball? Never gonna happen. You know why? Because nobody cares except people who are directly involved. I get asked on a daily basis about the local boys basketball team. Know how many random questions I've gotten about swimming? None. Not one, ever.

 

Lady, if we wrote an article about your kid, no one other than you, your husband and your mother would read it. No one wants to read about some fucker who doggy paddled faster than some other fucker did in 1989. The only reason you want us to write an article is so it can be the centerpiece of some lameass scrapbook you have been putting together about his fucking swimming career. And you know what will happen? We'll do some huge pic of your kid in his swimsuit and our entire readership will find out that your kid is hung like Bob Barker's dog. Do your kid a favor and save him the embarrassment. He'll thank you in three years when he sits you down to tell you that he's gay.

 

Outing alert: MC Sports Guy is Jim Mora.