Gatsby without Fitzgerald

+1

 

Hollywood's mission statement.

 

Fixed

 

As a comedic ruse, I'd love to take a stab at writing all the classics into children's books with really simplistic meanings.

Moby Dick: "The lesson, Ishmael learned as he clung to the coffin, is to always wear flotation devices while on a waterfaring vehicle. "

The Metamorphosis: "If ever you find yourself an insect, all hope is lost."

 

A Christmas Carol: "Eating rich foods before going to bed can make for restless sleep and nightmares."

 

"Crime and Punishment" - "Don't steal unless you can forget about it, then by all means do it."

 

Bright Lights Big City: It's all about me as "you"

 

Everyone involved with the project should be shot.
I do find it funny, though, that in a version targeted at younger readers, the picture on the cover is of a man smoking. Of all the images you could pull from the book, that's the one you go with?

 

Romeo and Juliet: Make sure your families "like" each other on Facebook before you start dating.

 

Tender is the Night: "That was one crazy bee-otch. And OMFG, the protagonist is named Dick Diver. Heh."

 

The Sportswriter: Let's see how much crap a good woman will take from an asshole

 

A Confederacy of Dunces: Be cool, stay in school!