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Gamer for a weekly

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by earlyentry, Sep 30, 2007.

  1. earlyentry

    earlyentry Member

    PATERSON – It’s hard to decipher when the momentum shifted on the football field during Montclair High’s 25-15 loss Saturday to Paterson Eastside.

    The Ghosts, a 9-4 playoff team from a year ago, had touchdown scores of 40, 73, 29, and 34 yards, three of which came under an 18-point surge to close out the game. The explosive plays quickly erased a late Mounties lead and sent them home with their first loss of the season.

    It’ll be helpful if MHS has a short-term memory and avoids stewing over game films, though.

    The reason? This Saturday the Mounties are hosts to one of the most powerful parochial football teams on the East Coast, Don Bosco Prep; last season in Ramsey the defending Non-Public Group IV champions handed the Mounties a 68-0 defeat.

    If it wants to defend their home-turf and reestablish itself as a Group IV title contender, though, the Mounties (2-1) first must prevent the quick-hitting offensive play, especially on third-and-long situations.

    “(Paterson Eastside) is a big-play team, and they can score from any place on the field in one play,” MHS coach Ed Lebida said after the game. “And that’s exactly what they did.

    “We got to regroup on Monday and start for Don Bosco - it’s a tall order.”

    Lebida said the Ghosts already displayed a nasty offensive punch two weeks ago against St. Joseph’s of Montvale. In that game, the Ghosts posted 20-unanswered points. It seemed to have carried over into Saturday’s contest.

    “I knew that they would be a good team,” Lebida said. “They got good talent at every position; it was just a matter of them coming together.”

    Ghosts back Jaron Davis (107 yards on six carries) scored on a 74-yard counter, racing untouched down the sidelines to close the Mounties lead to 15-13.

    Later in the fourth, T.J. Brown (6 for 9, 138 yards, 2 touchdowns) connected with Deon Davis (2 TD catches) down the sideline with 4:55 left in the game on a 29-yard pump-and-go.

    “You’re always vulnerable to big plays on the perimeter, even if you defense against it, you’re always vulnerable,” said Lebida.

    After allowing a second deep passing touchdown, MHS trailed for the first time since the second quarter, and the Ghosts later added a 24-yard rushing touchdown from feature back Kumar Davis for the final outcome.

    On offense, the senior backfield for the Mounties – Terrence Munford and Tahron Green-combined for 113 yards on 22 carries. Green scored two rushing touchdowns, his second coming on fourth-and-goal run from the one-yard line.

    After Green barreled his way into the end zone for his second score, the Mounties ate close to 12 minutes off the third quarter clock and led, 15-7.

    “We felt run right at them with blast in the third quarter, which is what we did, and we were pretty effective at it,” said Lebida, who ran Green predominately in the third and Munford during the first half.

    Green rushed 11 times for 67 yards, while Munford collected 46 yards on 11 rushes. Munford set up the Mounties first touchdown with 37 yards of offense – 24 on a run, 13 on a pass.

    Yet MHS couldn’t stop the game-changing play throughout the second half. While the Mounties guarded the run, the deep ball opened up.

    In their comeback effort, MHS had four fourth-quarter possessions and were held without a first-down.

    “We were not as fluid as we were last week,” said Lebida. “We were making mistakes that we didn’t make last week – a missed block, a flinch, a 5-yard penalty – and all of those types of things hurt.”

    MHS committed eight penalties – six in the first half - for 77 yards. The Ghosts won despite losing three fumbles and committing eight turnovers for 65 yards.

    “We didn’t play up to our potential, that’s for sure,” said Lebida.

    Having allowed only nine points in two victories before Saturday’s loss, the Mounties were met immediately by an aggressive offensive.

    In the game’s first possession, the Ghosts converted a third-and-20 pass to stun the Mounties. Deon Davis jetted past the Mounties’ Cover-2 defense and hauled in a 40-yard touchdown pass down the right sideline. The point after was good, and MHS trailed, 7-0.

    “I thought it was not focusing at times,” Lebida said of the pass coverage.

    After their first drive stalled because of two penalties, the Mounties covered 80 yards in 11 plays, capped by a 5-yard run from Green. MHS converted a fake extra-point, where senior quarterback Marlon Calbi received the snap, rolled right and completed a light toss to a wide-open receiver. MHS led, 8-7.

    In fact, their first scoring drive was perhaps the most successful because of its variety. Calbi (10-13, 92 yards, 1 INT) completed short swing passes of 15 and 13 yards, and Munford rushed a counter right for 24 yards.

    MHS entered their first road game of the season with an unblemished record, outscoring opponents 49-9, and had carried with it a top-1o ranking in the state.

    But the Ghosts (1-2) showed immediate signs of life in the game’s first possession, and equal resolve as it ran away with the victory by outscoring the Mounties in rapid fashion.

    “Now we got a wake-up call,” said Munford.
  2. Mystery_Meat

    Mystery_Meat Guest

    Very zen.

    Why did you kill it?
  3. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    ee is obviously filing by telegraph.

    Let me know if you'd like to keep this as a placeholder, early, or if you'd rather I take it down. Thanks.
  4. Mystery_Meat

    Mystery_Meat Guest

    Perhaps morse code. I hope he avoids the dot-dot-dash, dot-dash-dash-dash, dot-dash-dot lede, it's so cliche.
  5. earlyentry

    earlyentry Member

    Here goes.
    I totally stink with ledes. Too wordy, and not enough visual effect. I can't seem to crack the code
  6. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    ee -

    Some quick notes above. In general, try to think of a lede that provides you not just an opening sentence or two, but one that will have resonance throughout the piece, especially at the end.

    Also, try to vary your sentence lengths a little. Right now, your pace drags because you're writing longer sentences with lots of clauses and commas. Try to punch your rhythm occasionally with some short, declarative sentences.

    I know you're on deadline, and in a rush, but a good general thought when you write is this: slow down to go faster. Never write in a hurry. Be deliberate. Think of what you're seeing in the game and what it means. Concentrate on one sentence. Write it. Concentrate on the next. Write it. Include what's important. Discard what isn't.

    Thanks, as always, for sharing your work with us. Keep at it.
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