Funny Lyrics Hall of Fame

A long time ago, I had a GF who had a huge crush on Jackson Browne. She refused to believe what 'Rosie' was about.

 

I guess it's a guy "thing," Buck.

And I find it cool that, before he became obsessed about Nicaragua in the 1980s, Jackson Browne had a good sense of humor.

 

Always makes me smile:

Oh they do respect her but /
They love to watch her strut

 

When down home humor could actually be funny ...

The wildwood flower grew wild on the farm,
And we never knowed what it was called.
Some said it was a flower and some said it was weed,
I never gave it much thought ......
One day I was out there talking to my brother,
Reached down for a weed to chew on,
Things got fuzzy and things got blurry,
And then everything was gone!
Didn't know what happened,
But I knew it beat the hell out of sniffin' burlap.

I come to and my brother was there,
And he said, What's wrong with your eyes?
I said, I don't know, I was chewing on a weed.
He said, Let me give it a try.
We spent the rest of that day and most of that night,
Trying to find my brother, Bill.
Caught up with him, 'bout six o'clock the next morning,
Naked, swinging on the wind mill!
He said he flew up there.
I had to fly up there and bring him down,
He was about half crazy .....

The very next day we picked a bunch of them weeds,
And put 'em in the sun to dry.
Then we mashed 'em up and chopped 'em up,
And put 'em in the corncob pipe.
Smokin' that wildwood flower got to be a habit,
We didn't see no harm.
We thought it was kind of handy,
Take a trip and never leave the farm!

All good things gotta come to an end,
And it's the same with the wildwood weed.
One day this feller from Washington came by,
And he spied 'em and turned white as a sheet.
Then they dug and they burned,
And they burned and they dug,
And they killed all our cute little weeds.
Then they drove away,
We just smiled and waved ..........
Sittin' there on that sack of seeds!

Y'all come back now, hear?

 

As mentioned, BHG had a lot of good ones, but my favorite of theirs is from "Boom" featuring Rob Van Winkle (the one good song he was a part of in his entire career).

"You're Spiro Agnew and I'm the Dick you answer to."

Likely the only Spiro Agnew reference in a rap ever.

 

Weezer's Pinkerton, one of my favorite albums, produced two great choices in "Pink Triangle":

Might have smoked a few in my time
But never thought it was a crime
Knew the day would surely come
When I'd chill and settle down
When I think I've found a good old-fashioned girl
Then she put me in my place
If everyone's a little queer
Can't she be a little straight?

I'm dumb, she's a lesbian
I thought I had found the one
We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
Pink triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth

and "El Scorcho":

Goddamn you half-Japanese girls
Do it to me every time
Oh, the redhead said you shred the cello
And I'm jello, baby

But you won't talk, won't look, won't think of me
I'm the epitome of public enemy
Why you wanna go and do me like that?
Come down on the street and dance with me

I'm a lot like you so please, hello, I'm here, I'm waiting
I think I'd be good for you and you'd be good for me

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you never heard of them
(How cool is that?)
How cool is that?
So I went to your room and read your diary

 

I think some of the most funny lyrics are the "misheard" ones, such as ...

"Don't let your son go down on me"

Otherwise, I offer:

Nurse Rosetta,
I won't let her
catch me peering
down her sweater,
fantasizing
silk suspenders on her thighs

"Nurse Rosetta" by Alice Cooper

 

Yeah, it's a Weird Al song, but "Trapped in the Drive Thru" still cracks me up every damn time I hear it. It's the sad tale of a couple's ill-fated trip to a local drive thru.
It's an absurd, rambling and ultimately pointless parody of an absurd, rambling and ultimately pointless song, which to me makes it fucking brilliant.

Here's the YouTube vid:

(Warning: This thing is 11 minutes long. There's a good chance that, when it's over, you'll either be laughing your ass off or cursing the fact you just wasted 11 precious minutes of your life. Which, I suppose, is kind of the point.)

 

Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don’t wanna talk to a scientist
Y’all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

 

Got about three minutes in and hadn't laughed, so I stopped it. Weird Al is very talented and creative, but he's not very funny. "The Saga Begins," his "American Pie"/Star Wars prequels parody, is fantastic but not really funny except in premise.

EDIT: I'm not doing anything productive tonight anyway, so I watched the rest. There were a few funny moments, and it's well done in the same way that "The Saga Begins" is, though not as perfect.

 

I agree some of his stuff sucks. He can be very hit or miss. I think it's just the absurdity, stupidity and even the fact that parts of it aren't laugh-out-loud funny that sucks me into "Trapped in the Drive Thru." You get halfway through it and say, "why the hell am I listening to this?"
Not sure what that says about me, but I still think it's a strong genre parody of R. Kelly's long-winded original.

 

See my edit. Also, I liked the ending.

Another add: Slick Rick's "Indian Girl."

(Singing)
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier, yeah
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier

Well he's in Indian Town, and what spots his eye?
A nice looking Indian, and honey looked fly
He had to talk because he just couldn't hack it
She wore some moccasins and plus a tough leather jacket
He trotted over and invented a line
He said "Excuse me, um, do you happen to have the time?"
All was on his mind was sex, sex, sex
So she said "Why do ask? You got your own Timex"
To poor old Dave that line was cold blooded
He felt that her ego was way over flooded
She started to laugh and then she started to say
"I'm sorry some times I do get carried away
I didn't mean to like ill treat you
My name is Running Rabbit and I'm glad to meet you"
He said "I'm Dave, with crazy clout"
"Oh you're the one the girls keep talking about
Yeah, you must be, because you look like a winner
Come to my house, we'll discuss it over dinner"

(Singing)
Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier

Well, he met her father, Big Chief Beretti
He said "What's for dinner?"
"Soup and spaghetti"
The dinner was rotten and he swore he's gonna puke it
He never would have took it if he'd known that he had cooked it
Later on they were chilling, in the bedroom
Sitting at the window looking at the moon
Judging from the mood he swore she was hot
He said "Are you in the mood?"
She said "No I'm not"
From what he believes and from what he gets
When a girl says no, he really thinks she means yes
So, he started touching her and coming out strong
Whispering sweet nothings and singing a song
He said
(singing) "I'm in the mood for love,
simply because you're near me,
funny but when you're near me,
I'm in the mood, don't mean to be rude,
but I'm in the mood for love"
She said "Oh Dave, you've got my poor back hurting
I want you, but first close the curtain"
He closed the curtain and also the doors
The next thing you knew it was off with those drawers

"Take it easy Davy, you're hurting me. Stop"

Well, he was playing with her tits, they were soft not lumpy
And then he cracked the legs like Humpty-Dumpty
He's fucking, sucking, also finger popping
He had, no intention of stopping
Crazy fun, he did not want to leave
His head was between her tits and he could barely breathe
He had to toss, turn, turn, toss
Meanwhile he was riding her with crazy force
She was burning hot, she said "Stop, stop."
He said "Are you talking sex or what?"
I guess she didn't realize what she started
Next thing you knew she was acting retarded
She said to him strangely and kind of merry
"Stop now, or I'll be unable to marry"
He didn't take her warning
He rode her till the morning
He rode that ass till the pussy started yawning

(Yawning sounds)

He said "What? Wait" His dick went weak
It said "Dave, pussies ain't supposed to speak"
He gathered his things he wanted to leave this place
But first he wanted to see the vagina face to face
He opened it up, with his bare two thumbs
He seen crabs with SPEARS AND INDIAN DRUMS!

They's going heya hiya heya hey, hey
Heya hiya heya hey
Heya hey, heya hey
Heya hiya heya hey
Heya hiya heya hey