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Funniest thing you have read on The Onion

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by 93Devil, Jan 19, 2009.

  1. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I need some chuckles.

    Here are two starters:


    MIAMI, FL—With the knowledge that the minority vote will be crucial in the upcoming presidential election, Republican Party officials are urging blacks, Hispanics, and other minorities to make their presence felt at the polls on Wednesday, Nov. 3.

    For PitsburghSportsJournalists.com

    Man, there's that Steelers cap I've had my eye on. We're talking the real deal here, an official NFL Pro Line sideline cap—the exact one Coach Cowher wears on Sundays. I've had my eye on that baby for a while now, and it's time I made my decision. It all boils down to this: the cap or a hot meal for the wife and kids.

    Shit, that's a no-brainer.
  2. dooley_womack1

    dooley_womack1 Well-Known Member

    Pretty much any Smoove B column will lift your spirits, if you can't break your woman off nasty on the finest silk sheets hand-selected from China and sewn by hand to perfection.
  3. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member


    OAK BROOK, IL—Bowing to outcry from consumers and parents groups, the McDonald's Corporation announced Monday that it is discontinuing its new advertising mascot, "The Hammurderer," a mischievous, homicidal imp who kills McDonaldland characters and takes their sandwiches.
  4. John

    John Well-Known Member

    The column "I Think We Should Fuck Other People" is probably my favorite, but there are about 30 or 40 stories that still make me laugh after reading them more than 50 times.
  5. imjustagirl

    imjustagirl Active Member

    I just read the Hammurderer one for literally the 200th time (I'm not exaggerating) and I STILL have tears coming down my face.
  6. The collected works of T. Herman Zweibel.

    The collected works of Herbert Kornfeld (RIP).
  7. TigerVols

    TigerVols Well-Known Member

    The recent one along the lines of:

    Homeland Security Experts Warn Next 9/11 Attack Could Occur On Different Date
  8. Huggy

    Huggy Well-Known Member

    First time I'd seen that and it is fucking hiliarious. The last two 'graphs are a riot.
  9. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    All good.

    Jim Anchower was my homeboy.
  10. Giggity

    Giggity Member

    I'm like a chocoholic, but for booze:

  11. PCLoadLetter

    PCLoadLetter Well-Known Member

    Mothership Accidentally Descends on Hootie Concert


  12. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    Damn Grapist.
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