Funniest thing you couldn't laugh at

When I was 13, my dad got real pissed at my retarded sister for not cleaning her dump of a room. I was standing outside the room, and I heard him say, "You've had all cocksucking day to clean this fucking room. ..." Never in my life have I wanted to laugh so hard at something that dude said. But I was sure to feal the wrath if I did.

 

My aunt's funeral.
Wooden pews in the church, and my brothers and one cousin (not her offspring) were sitting in the back.
I broke -- nay, shattered wind.
I was laughing so hard I was crying. But it was the hold it in and bounce laugh with distorted face. With distorted face and tears, folks thought I was overcome with grief.
How my brothers and cousins didn't crack up is one of life's mysteries.

 

Frustration was at a max back then, so it was understandable, but he certainly wasn't the ideal father by any stretch.

 

I was at sleep-away summer camp for nine summers of my life in my younger days. Every Sunday, we had "Chapel," but it was more of a glorified singing camp songs and no prayer. But during a moment of silence, I couldn't really hold a fart in any longer.

I hoped it would be silent and leave with ease, but it ended up sending good vibrations all the way down the wooden bench. I tried my hardest not to laugh and I could see the others around me trying to hold in the chuckles at the same.

 

We should just rename this thread to "Check this out: I farted in ..."

 

I had an extremely foul mouth as a child. Extremely. Picked it up hanging around my grandfather and his brothers.

I dropped a song book at church once and when I bent over to pick it up, I hit my head on the pew. Apparently the tapestry of obscenities was bad enough that my mother had to remove me from the premises.

 

i would have paid to see that.

 

Point taken, though he said the person was wearing a burka, which suggests a middle eastern background.

Yeah, I know. I should really just start letting the racist remarks slide. :

 

I was covering a small high school basketball game a few years ago. The scorer's table for that particular venue was located on a stage which was roughly 3-feet high. There were no steps to get on the stage. You just sort of had to leap or roll your body onto the stage.

So, I'm standing next to one of the scorers getting the rosters and such and I see the 400-pound reporter from the competitor come rambling in. He's dressed in sweat pants and a T-shirt, which do not fit his body properly. He reaches the edge of the stage (already breathing hard, mind you) and wonders out-loud how he's going to get onto the stage.

He opts for the roll trick, but it turns into a horrific display. Grunting, sweating profusely he tries and tries, but fails to make it. Finally they just bring the books down to him and give him a chair to sit on in the corner of the gym.

I nearly burst from the scene, but kept it together. Other people on the stage did not.

 

Trust me. I'm sure there was a way onto that stage, you just had to open a few doors to get to it.

What should make it funnier is that those people chose not to show him, but rather they watched him beached whale it for a few minutes.

 

unless i didn't interpret what you said correctly, you do let racist remarks slide just as long as they're made toward white folks.