Funniest thing you couldn't laugh at

Few years back, I head to one of our area high schools to do a preview story for the tab. I meet the coach at the office, and we head inside to talk. He says he hasn't eaten lunch yet, and asks if he can eat while we talk. I say sure, no problem.
Now, this guy is gi-freaking-normous. Easily three bills.
So, we sit down at a desk in the office, and he starts pulling his lunch out of a regular-size paper grocery bag. The old kind, that you could stuff a lot of stuff into. He opens a box of chicken that looks like KFC slaughtered half the barnyard to fill and starts chowing down. After a few bites, he reaches into the bag again to pull out his drink -- a two-liter bottle of red Hawaiian Punch. He opens it, and just starts swigging right from the bottle. No cup, just straight chugging.
All the while, we're talking football and I'm trying to keep from just exploding in laughter. It's damn near impossible, because every time I look up from my notebook I see the chicken and the Hawaiian Punch and, worst of all, the guy's shirt.
On it, are printed the words "Big Daddy."
I have no idea how, but I made it through the interview without laughing in his face. Chalk one up for professionalism.

 

Yeah, um, that's not politically incorrect. It's racist.

 

Riding the subway this past july when the guy standing directly behind me starts singing...

"I'm not a crack head... I am a chicken head... I'm heading to KFC for some friiiied chicken..."

Biting my lip at that point, because it's ridiculous. But some kids from the neighborhood recognize him, and they immediately start in on the poor guy. They're even mocking him to the person they're talking to on the cellphone. I'm staring at the floor at that point, trying like hell not to laugh.

 

You're really slow, aren't you?

 

So what, should I get my mouth washed out with soap? Should I have gone and tattled? Do tell...Oh, and I suppose all the jokes made by comics and athletes about white people are just guys being funny?

Nice to see the P.C. police patrolling tonight.

 

I know I've got a few, but I can't quite remember them. However, this story jogged one from my memory.

My friends and I were sitting at the dining table in the cafeteria in college when this autistic dude sat down with us. We all knew him and were cool with him; we didn't make fun of him like the other kids did. The dude was easily 350-375 pounds and his speech and eyes were all over the place, so you can see where those who attacked him got their material.

Anyway, the dude sits down with us and we look at his tray, which contains two bowls of cereal, a plate of eggs, a bagel with cream cheese, two white-powdered donuts, a few strips of bacon and sausage links and two big glasses of orange juice. The dude shoveled everything into his trap, never quite with a swish -- the food always rattled the rim. So, as you can imagine, the end of the meal looked pretty bad ... like a self-inflicted, one-on-none food fight. My friend attempted to have a conversation with the dude and nearly broke out in laughter, but turned away before he cracked. The rest of the table nearly lost it.

At the time, however, I was the head of the radio station, of which the dude was a part. So I knew any slip by me wouldn't have looked good -- management or not, I'd have been a heartless fuck. Fortunately, I was able to look down at my food and block everyone out. But it was extremely difficult.

 

That's hysterical!

 

If you know any good Web sites filled with white people jokes, please let me know. Seriously. I've been looking for that genre since college. Even my black friends don't know where to find them. They just say, "You're all walking jokes. We don't need to write anything." But that's not good enough for me.

 

Hahahahaha....You know, some of the funniest stuff I've seen are Richard Pryor's old impressions of how white people sound. I laugh my ass off all the time.

 

Dave Chappelle nails the impression, too. A little over-the-top, but that's what makes it great.

 

Some more favorite moments.....

1.) I've covered my face sometimes when the old as hell freelance writers ask these tangent-like questions at weekly football media luncheons.

2.) Covering a college football game. Writers are lined up in the men's room, and the only stall is taken. It's dead quiet in there, and suddenly one of the most demonic, violent sounds comes from the stall. Dude obviously takes a dump. Everyone is quiet. Suddenly a guy in line says, "You ok in there fella?" Haven't laughed that hard in ages....

 

http://irishjokes.com/
http://www.abitoblarney.com/irishjokes.htm
http://www.humorsphere.com/humor/irish_jokes.htm
http://www.theholidayspot.com/patrick/irish_jokes.htm
http://www.ireland-information.com/irishjokes.htm

http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/
http://www.frontiernet.net/~tzuleger/webjokes/redneckjokes.htm
http://www.fortogden.com/foredneck.html
http://www.geocities.com/redneck_jokes/
http://www.redjokes.com/

http://www.coolblondejokes.com/
http://blonde-jokes.co.uk/


here's a few ... want some more?