From the spank-bank time machine: Weird Science getting a reboot

What? With his micropenis and karate moves?

 

It wasn't some bit in a hibachi or a dojo. It just happened to be an Asian guy in the trunk. But this is like arguing angels on the head of a pin. Offensive stereotyping of Asians is less than in Hughes' day, and not as acceptable.

 

I think part of that is because kids today are being trained to be offended. Being offended is like an Internet hobby. Several of my coworkers have mentioned making off-color jokes with their kids, half as dirty as what their fathers made with them, and having their kids say "Dad, that's offensive."

That sucks.

 

She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk.

I tend to agree with dooley about the Hangover, but regardless that movie was a hard R. Sixteen Candles came out PG.

 

Any ideas on who gets cast in a Weird Science remake?

 

I agree, but I also think you're a gunt for not having watched Sixteen Candles.

 

A road sign: Zagoshe territory ahead.

 

Awesome.

If done in full-on Hughes manic style, I'm all for this.

I think the original is underrated in his canon.

 

I can't wait for the next John Hughes movie.

 

Wait ... WHAT?



My friend, your pop culture street cred needs no defense from me. You've established your bona fides. You are an estimable cohort in the never-ending mission to break down pop culture.

But this kicked my ass something fierce. I mean ... seriously? What you wrote is like listing your top 20 Beatles songs and just throwing it out there that you've never heard the Abbey Road suite.

I had a visceral reaction. I'm not afraid to say I got a boner, but it was like a false boner-gone-wrong that was building up to some sort of end-of-universe cosmic boner-ending event. Sure enough, it retreated at light speed to anti-boner. I'm no doctor, but I think you exploded my penis.

You know how stoners talk about how inside our molecules a universe might exist? I was so taken aback by your post that electrons collided inside me. Your pop culture black hole sucked in some poor fuckers in my molecules into a civilization-ending abyss.

First this, my rule with John Hughes is relatively simple. The funnier he tried to be, the better the movie is. That's why I like Weird Science. That was intended to be absurdist and it is. The more emotional, sappy or relevant he attempted to be, the worse it is.

It's why I like virtually nothing after Planes, Trains and Automobiles. It's why I think Breakfast Club (which came out when I was in 8th grade) is akin to a song you liked in middle school that has sentiments hit you just right at the time, but seem silly now.

For me, The Breakfast Club is to movies as Quiet Riot's Metal Health album is to songs. (And that's probably a stretch because I liked Quiet Riot a lot more than The Breakfast Club.) Both were of their time, but are no better than curiosity pieces now.

Sixteen Candles is the one Hughes movie that breaks the mold. It is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest movies ever made. Why? Because every character, every damn one of them, down to bit players, is written so well.

Most are written for comedic purposes, but Hughes did a great job using the straight parts to play off the humorous roles. One of Hughes' great talents in his best stuff was to use bit characters as catalysts for the primary characters to play off of. He was never better at it than Sixteen Candles.

Maybe it's the anti-boner talking, but I'm going to make a bold statement. As far as using every last character to its maximum potential? The only movie I can think of that's better with a decent-sized cast is Casablanca. The subject matter isn't obviously as weighty, but Hughes' writing in the movie is brilliant, and the fact that it's a teen comedy shouldn't detract from that.

In addition, Hughes tacked on just the right dose of sentimentality without getting maudlin like way too many of his movies tended to be. You feel for Samantha and want her to get Jake, you feel for Farmer Ted and want him to find someone, but not to the point where you can't laugh with/at either of them.

As far as it being aimed towards females? Well, sure, I guess, but I've never thought of it as a gender-slanted comedy. There's plenty for the guys. Anthony Michael Hall is absolutely brilliant in it.

I'm gushing, so I'll just stop, but I'll leave you with this advise. Go find a brick. Use it and throw it at a video store window. Rush in, steal Sixteen Candles and watch the fuck out of it.

 

The best John Hughes movie is one that wasn't his: Lucas

 

Hey Dooley ... there's your Chinaman.