For Cubs fans....the game will not end well......

He's getting to his closer sell-by date though.

The Reds stupidly spent a fortune on Francisco Cordero, who was very good at Miller Park last year and an utter piece of ass away from it.

The Brewers have the double-fisted 'roid mix of Eric Gagne and Derrick Turnbow, who is one shit outing away from me sending him back to the Children Of The Corn field from whence he came. He looks, and often pitches, like he was already eaten by the corn monster.

Houston's Valverde is good, but how good will he be at Minute Maid and how many times will he get to close on an otherwise cruddy team?

The Pirates have Matt Capps, but will rarely have the occasion to use him.

 

It doesn't help that Minute Maid and Great American are launchpads. One-run leads never feel good at either of those places. PNC is small, too, but ... you know ... it's the Pirates. They don't count.

 

PNC isn't small, at least not like those other two. It has that short right field and dead down the left field line, but otherwise it plays pretty fair.

The sad part is Capps might be the best of the current closers in the NL Central (definitely open for debate), but he also went a month without a save opportunity at one point last year. Even just over the last two years, Capps is the only one of those guys who hasn't either been hurt or gone through a stretch of pitching so badly that he lost his job as closer.

 

You're right about PNC. The alleys are bigger than I thought.

I always just thought it was the team's lack of muscles (or any other skill involved in hitting the ball long distances).

On a side note, what an awesome park. I wish a better team played in it, though. My family in Pittsburgh does, too.

 

I really miss going to games there. That team really is a horrible waste of a beautiful ballpark.

 

Are we still talking about the Cubs?

 

We're always talking about the Cubs.

 

I meant in reference to a team being a horrible waste of a beautiful ballpark.

 

Good one, tatooed Southside scum.

I keed.

 

Do not mock the Cubs. This is an 08 year, ya know.

 

Ha! Maybe, but they're at least they have the Pirates in the division to remind them that things could be worse.

 

Found this on a Cubs messageboard. Thought I would share it.

I am fucking doomed... By Aaron Harang

(Walking into locker room for the first time this spring...)

Hey guys! What a great offseason. I went home to San Diego, caught a few Chargers game — man, that LaDanian Tomlinson, what a stud — and relaxed on the beach. I may have thrown 231 innings last season, but I think the rest will do me some good and now I think I can dial it back to around 200 for the 2008 season. Don’t worry, guys, I can still lead the league in strikeouts. In 200 innings, I bet I can still rack up 200 Ks. It’s just a matter of —

Hey, wait.

Who’s that in the manager’s office? Where’d Pete Mackanin go?

Ken Griffey, head halfway into locker, searching for thigh cream: “Yo, Aaron. That’s Dusty Baker. He’s our new manager.”

Oh, fuck. I am fucking doomed.

Dusty Baker. That toothpick-chewin’ sonofabitch has destroyed more joints than arthritis. Fuck.

(Furiously punching in cellphone numbers, trying to reach agent.)

Maybe I can get a trade … maybe it’s not too late to do —

Baker: “Harang! My workhorse! How’s that beautiful shoulder?”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. He’s coming over here. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

Baker: “I’ve got some big plans for you, Aaron! You know who Will White is?”

No.

Baker: "Good dude. Solid. Reliable. Threw 680 innings back in 1879. Record stands to this day. You know who he pitched for?"

Oh God. Fuck no. Anyone but the —

Baker: "The Reds! He’s a Cincinnati boy, just like us!"

Oh holy shit.

Baker: "Look, I want you to take it easy this spring. If we’re going to get that record into the 21st century — where it belongs — we’re going to need you to throw about 75 complete games this season. Don’t tell Arroyo about our plans. I’m going to have you and Ednison Volquez make all our starts this year, and we’re going to use Bronson as our closer. That frees up the other 22 roster slots for hitters. Hitters, baby! My guy Barry Bonds needs somewhere to play!"

Oh fuck. I’m gonna need some good shit to get through the season. Thank God I can rely on Josh Hamilton to deliver the good Colombian stuff.

Griffey: "Um, Aaron, Josh is on the Rangers now."

What? The Rangers?

Oh shit.