Fool me once, shame on you ...

Songbird, you should win some kind of award for commenting on a thread that ended almost two months ago. I know there are only 28 days in February, but just how bored are you? What, did you do a search for mustard? Some sort of personal fetish?

By the way, every guy should know that "mustard on the side" is girlspeak for taking it in the pooper.

Cue comment from you know who...

 

Let me explain, beer boy

Saw that Hoo was signed on. Hoo reminds me of Hoosick Falls. That brings back memories of an ex-girlfriend who, 10 years later, remains the most beautiful girl I've ever known. So I clicked on Hoo's profile and read a few of Hoo's posts. Saw that one and laughed at the mustard reference.

 

Well, that explanation is precisely why I shouldn't ask foolish questions.

I can't believe you still feel that way about my wife. If it makes you feel any better, she doesn't do you know what any more. That stopped shortly after the wedding.

Also, Hoo's on first.

 

Sitting Bull's on second.

 

Armando Benitez is on third.

 

And Meatloaf is sliding into home.

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!! Before we go any further, do you love me?

 

Do I love you? Well, as much as any man can love another man, who happens to prefer a banana seat on his bicycle.

 

So YOU stole my yellow banana-seat Schwinn! I fucking knew it!

But back to my rebirthing of this thread ... what is the deal with a girl who puts the mustard on the side just in case she changes her mind midway through? That is just so fucking radical and peculiar.

 

Hmm, if that's the case I may have dated that girl before.

 

For that matter, what's up with someone who doesn't like mustard?

I have so much mustard in the fridge that my wife complains. There's a southwest chipotle, a zesty honey mustard, a sweet hot mustard, a Gulden's spicy mustard and a yellow mustard. And I can guarantee that I'm forgetting a few.

Mustard as a metaphor for what? Gonorrhea?

Actually, I think I have that one in the fridge, too. authentic Dijon Gonorrhea Mustard. I think Kraft makes it.

 

I'm planning to buy some real Dijon one of these days. An obvious symptom of too much Food Network. I can't find the stuff at Publix. They have Dijon-styled mustard, but nothing that is actually made in France, which is the only place you can get the real stuff, I'm told.

 

After having the song "lola" or whatever it's called in my head all evening (someone at work was singing it), I now have Meatloaf in my head. I actually love it here more than ever because that is my favorite meatloaf song.