Five bands you would hear in hell

Come on, Bon Jovi isn't all bad. And are talking all incarnations of Van Halen or just the post-David Lee Roth version?

 

Black Eyed Peas (the post Fergie version)
Nickelback
Celine Dion
Blink 182
Good Charlotte

 

Yes, every bloody incarnation of Van Halen. As for Bon Jovi, some people like the band, I'm not one of them.

 

If I were given the option of being f**ked in the ass for all of eternity by Michael Clarke Duncan and Ving Rhymes (at the same time) or being forced to listen to "Vida La Vida" by Coldplay on an endless loop, I'd gladly take off my pants, bend over and tell them to bring it.

Needless to say, Coldplay makes my list. Why? They're the worst band in history. Their music makes me want to go back in time, find out where my mother is living and kick her in the stomach when she's pregnant with me just so I don't have to ever listen to it.

Other bands I hate, though obviously not as much, that would make my list are:

Rage Against the Machine (We get it, you're anti-establishment. Now shut the fuck up and die!)
AC-DC (Wow, dude has a funny voice but unless it's a death rattle I don't want him to hear him at all)
Cher (I think her music is agonizingly painful. Like child-birth in reverse. She looks great for her age though).
Madonna (She is the original 'pop star without talent')

 

Rush
Rush
Rush
Rush

and ...

Rush

 

Now THAT'S a list!!!

I had a tough time coming up with bands in my genres that I authentically hate. I go apeshit every year when people say Kiss belongs in the Rock and Roll HOF--oh hi Headbutt!!--but if you're in my car and you try changing the station whenever "Beth" or "Heaven's on Fire" comes on the radio, you'll be dropping and rolling at 75 mph. Only losers like Pink Floyd--oh hi Junkie!!--but "Learning To Fly" (PLAY INTO THE GREAT WIDE OPEN!!!) is awesome.

Even bands that have redefined the suck for decades now, like Aerosmith or Metallica, still put out such good stuff earlier in their careers that I can't hate their entire body of work. And while I've never been a big Led Zeppelin or Doors fan, I certainly don't hate them.

So I guess I just hate post-Y2K shit, which ironically, I don't listen to anyway. Get off my lawn.

Nickelback
Creed
John Mayer (useless as fuck)
Jason Mraz
I can't think of a fifth, but those four suck enough for five

An easier list would be the ones some on this thread have suggested---songs you'll hear in hell. JRoyal is right on with "Nothing Else Matters." Fuck almighty, does that suck. But not as much as "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing." Like hell I don't.

 

Kiss ... People just don't fathom how badly they suck. They should be in the RnR HOF, but not for their music - it sucks.
Rush .. Oh. My. God. Do I hate them.
Ozzy Osbourne ... See Kiss ... He wrote a song about Perry Mason ... God Damn Perry Mason!!!
Poison
Chicago ... How they hell have they been around sooooo long?

 

Why do you have a heavy metal band on there?

 

Thought I would save this before you deleted it.

The Rolling Stones terrible... Wow.

 

311
System of a Down
Toby Keith
and almost everyone associated with this steaming piece of crap

 

Man, where to begin...

Styx
Chicago
Nickelback
Rod Stewart (Faces, Jeff Beck and early solo stuff excepted)
Triumph