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Firejoemorgan.com de-pants Scoop Jackson

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by poindexter, Sep 4, 2007.

  1. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

    Does it ever get embarrassing for scoop to be humiliated by so many different people?

    Some of the better ones:

    Despite what everyone else may tell you, here are 25 reasons why tennis is better than college football:

    I'm glad he's doing this. Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- has been talking my ear off recently about how college football is better than tennis. I can't get people to fucking shut up about how college football is better than tennis. Even in Branson, I couldn't swing a cat at a Kirby Vanburch show without hitting some dude who was prattling on about "Oh, college football is so great" and "college football is soooo much better than tennis," and whatnot. I can't wait to send this article to everyone I know, so they will all stop talking about how college football is better than tennis.

    2. Because, right now, Ohio State versus Michigan cannot come close to Federer versus Nadal.

    Perhaps not. But you should have used like Florida-Florida State, since bringing up Michigan reminds one that one might counter this point by saying that nothing in tennis comes close to Appalachian State beating Michigan in the Big House on a blocked field goal after a 46-yard hail mary to get Michigan into field goal range with 6 seconds left.

    12. Roger Federer plays tennis and no one in college football is close to being that good.

    How might one person playing a team sport display the same talents as one person playing an individual sport? How might one do that, Mr. Scoop, sir, if you please? You know why eggs are better than lucite? Because eggs can be made into omelets and there's nothing involving lucite that is as good as omelets.

    13. The on-the-court postmatch interview between Andy Roddick and Justin Gimelstob.

    Didn't see it. It sounds amazing, though. Thanks for the excellent description.

    15. Because Dick Enberg, John McEnroe and Mary Carillo are better than anyone except the GameDay crew.

    So: tennis is better than college football because tennis's announcing A-team is better than any college football booth team except for college football's studio A-team. Take that, college football!

    18. Of the next superstars in both sports (Juan Martin del Potro of Argentina and Brian Brohm of Louisville), even if or when Brohm gets picked No. 1 in the 2008 NFL draft, del Potro will have a better career.

    Let's count the number of weird assumptions made here in #18.

    1. Brian Brohm is the "next superstar" in football.
    2. Juan Martin del Potro is the "next superstar" in tennis.
    3. There is a logical method one can use to compare the as-yet unplayed careers of football QBs and male tennis players.
    4. When that method is applied to Brohm and Juan Martin del Potro, at some point in the future, no matter what happens, it will show that del Potro's career will have been "better" than Brohm's career.

    21. No boosters.

    Yes. Thank you. Tennis is notoriously calm and nurturing and "move at your own pace"-ish and "whatever's best for you, dear"-ish when it comes to the young people who show world-class promise. No one ever puts undue pressure on young tennis stars. No kids are ever rushed, nor is money ever dangled in front of 12 year-olds, nor are there any like companies or anything who attack barely-pubescent kids with $$$. Huge ad-in, for tennis, here.
  2. Gee, website disagrees with columnist.
    Who knew?
    New media triumphant again.
  3. Inky_Wretch

    Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

    Where are the Scoop apologists on this one? Do they believe Scoop is right about tennis being better than CFB?
  4. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Good de-pantsing.

    I bet Scoop could have easily written a column on why either tennis or college football are better than the NBA, if he was willing to give it the old college try.
  5. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

    26. Richard Williams succeeded where Marv Marinovich didn't.
  6. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

    Its the argument everybody's been having for ages.
  7. It's a very basic, very typical sports column.
    Except, of course, it's Scoop. so it's worthy of the attention of some cyberheckling.
    Rah, rah.
  8. Inky_Wretch

    Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

    Little known fact: The reason for most of the gunfire at the NBA All-Star Weekend was over this very debate.
  9. Joe Williams

    Joe Williams Well-Known Member

    Hell, I'll give Scoop credit -- there's a first for everything, they say -- for A) knowing enough about tennis to write the column in the first place, and B) not devolving into hip-hop stuff. Pretty ordinary, but everyone is ordinary at times.
  10. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Next week: Why marbles is better than soccer.
  11. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member

    Wonder which espn.com editor inserted "except the GameDay crew" into Scoop's copy?
  12. poindexter

    poindexter Well-Known Member

    If this is an "ordinary" column, full of tortured logic and complete nonsense, I can't imagine what a bad column is.
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