Finally, some good news on the medical front

From the story:

And let's be honest: Are you more likely to, um, take matters into your hands five times a week, or have sex with a living, breathing human being five times a week?

 

If you're in an actual real-life relationship and not having sex five times a week? Then I feel terrible for you.

 

Then you should have felt terrible for me in BOTH my marriages, cause after the first month or two, I was lucky to get "lucky" once a week. If that.

And believe me, that becomes the case for a large majority of men in long-term relationships or marriages.

 

Now on the rack at your local clinic, next to the aged Sports Illustrateds:

http://www.acmewebpages.com/graphics/playboyjune1962.jpg

 

I now, however, have a perfect excuse for why my future girlfriend should give it up more often.

"C'mon, sweetie. With this and some self-love, I might live to be 100."

 

Sorry, was that a typo? Did you mean a month?

 

"Honey, the doctor recommends we add the Hustler channel to our DirecTV package."

 

Yawn...

Dammit, put a link on that, not the actual photo. C'mon man!

 

Actually, you're quite right. As time went on, a month definitely would have been more accurate.

 

Why is that wrong? I mean c'mon...1962 Playboys are more family-friendly than the current GQ!

 

Doctors commonly tell patients with prostate infections to masturbate as frequently as possible (and eat pudding, which is a weird combination, especially if you do both at the same time). It would be hilarious if they wrote that on a prescription card.

 

With a wrist brace and a serious case of carpal tunnel syndrome.