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Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Fenerbahce1907, Dec 13, 2012.

  1. Fenerbahce1907

    Fenerbahce1907 New Member

    Hey guys, I recently to write for the sports website bleacher report. Unfortunately I was turned down, but I can apply again in 30 days. Anyways, I would like some feedback on my application.

    My response about my prospective audience: My articles would be for all soccer fans, especially those who are interested in smaller leagues. Most articles on this website seem to be about the English League. My articles would focus on leagues like the Turkish, Brazilian, and the Russian League. However, I would also like to cover some bigger leagues and competitions also, including the Spanish league, and both UEFA competitions. I am interested in writing predictions, transfer news/analysis, articles on fans, and ranking players. Overall, my articles would be a fresh change of pace and inform readers about areas of the beautiful game that most writers ignore.

    My writing sample: Alexsandro De Souza: The Best Soccer Player You've Never Heard of
    Alexsandro De Souza is a soccer genius. He has the vision of Pirlo and the dribbling skills of Ronaldo. So why haven't you heard of him? Alexsandro De Souza or simply "Alex" started off his career in his native country, Brazil, for Coritiba. After bouncing around a few clubs in Brazil, Alex moved to the Turkish giants Fenerbahce, where he changed the landscape of Turkish soccer forever. In eight years at the club, Alex recorded 172 goals and 139 assists in 344 appearances. He is revered as a legend by all Fenerbahce fans. He recorded eight hat-tricks at Fenerbahce, including one game where he scored five goals.There is even a statue of him in Istanbul. He is an icon of Turkish soccer. After eight unforgettable years at Fenerbahce, Alex returned to his first club, Coritiba. Alex also has 12 goals in 49 international caps for Brazil, but even this feat did not gain him much esteem. At age 35, Alex continues to play at a high level. He compensates for his old legs with his incredible vision, which has only improved with age. Perhaps what stopped Alex short of fame was his loyalty. Why Alex chose to stay eight years with a club half a world away from his home, only he knows. Maybe it was the fans who loved him so much, or maybe he fell in love with the country. Surely Alex had many offers to leave for a bigger club, but he didn't. So while you may have never even heard his name, the fans of Fenerbahce will never forget him. They will never forget his unbelievable bicycle kick against Samsunspor or his crushing shot last year against arch-rivals Galatasaray. Nor will they forget his pinpoint passes, amazing through balls, or dazzling skills. Some may say that he would never be able to be successful in a bigger league. Who knows, maybe they are right. But watching Alex de Souza play, I see a man who could hold his own against the greats. Others may tell their kids of Messi's speed and Ronaldo's blistering shot, but I will tell my kids about Alexsandro de Souza. And so, while he never gained international recognition, Alex gained something more, the heart of every Fenerbahce fan.

    Sorry its a bit wrong, but i would really appreciate any feedback, thanks!
  2. HookEm2014

    HookEm2014 Member

    Hey man,

    First, I really enjoyed the article. I read B/R quite a bit, and this type of story would do the site quite a bit of good. Second, prepare to be slightly mocked as you are helped. This site isn't a big fan of B/R, which is justified for the most part. Now, after saying that let me provide you with a bit of feedback.

    The story itself is well written, at least IMO. There are a couple of grammatical errors, but it’s in no way an issue here. The main problem is that the content itself isn't what B/R is looking for. They're looking for a heavy dose of opinion with a healthy amount of smart analysis. Your lede is solid, very strong from the start, but the rest of the article is very historically driven, which is something B/R tends to shy away from.

    So, for the next time around I would suggest taking a strong stance on another player, perhaps a controversial one from a bigger club. It sounds like that's the opposite of what you want to write about, but to get your start there that would be the way to do so.

    Once again, I do like the writing. I just think the content itself needs to be slightly reshaped to what B/R is looking for.
  3. Fenerbahce1907

    Fenerbahce1907 New Member

    thanks for the help. I realize bleacher report has a lot of problems but i dont know any other websites where I can apply so easily and just write. If there are, please tell me( i dont need to be paid). Anyways thanks for the feedback exactly what i was looking for, ill kepp your advice in mind next time.
  4. HookEm2014

    HookEm2014 Member

    No problem man. And don't worry I'm not complaining about it too much. It's an excellent place to learn as a writer and to gain some experience. On your next application be sure to shape your argument to what they would be looking for with the same level of writing you displayed here, and you will be in great shape.
  5. How is B/R a place to learn?
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