1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Feedback Would Be Greatly Appreciated

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by Carvelli3, Nov 26, 2010.

  1. Carvelli3

    Carvelli3 New Member

    Hey guys, I'm a young writer at West Virginia University and I was wondering if any of you guys would be willing to give any feedback on this column I wrote. Any comments would be terrific.


  2. Stitch

    Stitch Active Member

    Too long and I'm not a fan of first-person for columns where it's not necessary.
  3. wokattack

    wokattack New Member

    A slight tendency to be rather reserved in opinions in a blog/column...it's a place where you can voice your own opinions - and I get annoyed by the introduction of Kemba Walker as someone you've been a big fan of. So much so that it gets mentioned twice in the two first paragraphs - using first 'fan' and then 'something I liked about him'.

    I would maybe have used some sort of intro about his ability to carry his team on his back and then go straight to one of the first times that happened?
  4. Boozeman

    Boozeman Member

    This. I was also kind of put off by the fact that you said you've "always been a big fan of his" and then "ever since his freshman year". Well, that was just a little over two years ago, and most avid college basketball fans knew who he was as a freshman, so it's not like you're unearthing some new information on us. If you're going to say you've "always been a fan of his", tell us about how you followed him back in high school or something, or just don't say anything about it at all.
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page