Feedback Would Be Greatly Appreciated

Hey guys, I'm a young writer at West Virginia University and I was wondering if any of you guys would be willing to give any feedback on this column I wrote. Any comments would be terrific.

Thanks.

http://viewfrommycouch.wordpress.com/2010/11/26/friday-flashback-1/

 

Too long and I'm not a fan of first-person for columns where it's not necessary.

 

A slight tendency to be rather reserved in opinions in a blog/column...it's a place where you can voice your own opinions - and I get annoyed by the introduction of Kemba Walker as someone you've been a big fan of. So much so that it gets mentioned twice in the two first paragraphs - using first 'fan' and then 'something I liked about him'.

I would maybe have used some sort of intro about his ability to carry his team on his back and then go straight to one of the first times that happened?

 

This. I was also kind of put off by the fact that you said you've "always been a big fan of his" and then "ever since his freshman year". Well, that was just a little over two years ago, and most avid college basketball fans knew who he was as a freshman, so it's not like you're unearthing some new information on us. If you're going to say you've "always been a fan of his", tell us about how you followed him back in high school or something, or just don't say anything about it at all.