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Feedback Please

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by HookEm2014, Oct 18, 2012.

  1. HookEm2014

    HookEm2014 Member

    Hey guys, I was hoping you could help me out with some feedback on a gamer I wrote two weeks ago. I consider it a average to slightly above average clip for me at the moment (always attempting to get better haha). But, I was just hoping a few people could give me a breakdown of what I did poorly and what I did well (doesn't have to be extensive, any advice would be amazing).

    Thanks in advance to anyone who helps out, it's much appreciated.

  2. Rumpleforeskin

    Rumpleforeskin Active Member

    Wasn't too keen about your lede. It might work if you're on deadline, but otherwise, it's lazy journalism.

    Loved your dissection of the sequence of plays that cost the Longhorns 16 yards of field position and in turn, the missed field goal. Great attention to detail.
  3. HookEm2014

    HookEm2014 Member

    Thanks very much for the feedback, it's much appreciated! The story was on deadline, and I thought the lede was kind of weak, thanks very much for confirming that for me.
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