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Feature on NIU QB Jordan Lynch

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by biggy0125, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. biggy0125

    biggy0125 Member

    Back to take my lumps again for this feature on NIU QB Jordan Lynch, an unlikely Heisman candidate. Spent a lot of time on this one, so any and all feedback is welcome. Also, I actually get editorial input from this publication, so I have someone to blame now when you all say this is shit. :D

  2. biggy0125

    biggy0125 Member

    Would still appreciate any and all feedback.
  3. jlee

    jlee Well-Known Member

    An enjoyable read overall. I liked getting Heisman voters in there to balance the NIU and former coaches' rah-rah sentiment.

    Not a lot to criticize here, so take these as nit-picks:

    "A lot of those yards and scores were of the electrifying variety, and that’s what prompted the athletic department to launch its Heisman campaign." What does this mean? What does he do that's so electric? This is the one time when you go beyond the numbers in describing Lynch's play, so I'd like something to bite into here.

    "Campaigning for the Heisman is a challenge in the Mid-American Conference, which seldom enters the consciousness of even the most devoted college football fans." That's hyperbole.

    Also, since you described NIU's Heisman campaign, I'd like to see it contrasted with another, such as A&M's or Notre Dame's. I don't know how much the school is doing unless i have some other campaign for comparison.

    Sorry it took so long to get a response. Thanks for the good read.

  4. biggy0125

    biggy0125 Member

    Thanks, I appreciate the feedback.

    I had originally expounded upon describing Lynch's talents but it came later in the piece and it got a little wordy/disjointed so it got cut (justifiably). And you're definitely right about the hyperbole, most college football fans actually love MACtion. I probably would have been better served to say that Heisman voters rarely pay the conference any mind.

    Thanks again. I was lucky to track down as many sources as I was able to on a rather tight deadline. It certainly isn't perfect, but I like to think I accomplished the goal, which was to shed some light on Lynch's Heisman campaign.
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